WAIT! I forgot my helmet!!

Doesn't it sometimes feel like life is just one big game of dodgeball...except the balls are huge, made of rock and there's apparently 15 really big guys chucking them at you...and somehow your feet are stuck in one place?

Or is it just me?

Can I get a time-out?  Or maybe can we play t-ball rules...once you nail me 10 times you win?  At the very least let me get a darn helmet so we can avoid potential brain damage!!

And who's in charge here? Is there a ref somewhere?  Is there a time limit? Cause I got stuff to do and I don't want to play this game all day!  What are the rules here?  Surely I remember correctly...you only get to hit me ONCE and then I can go off to the sidelines and be safe from further painful pelting!  And who the heck put gum on the bottom of my shoes?!!!

Can I just be a quitter?  You can totally call me names, I don't care...but I don't wanna play anymore!

I didn't sign up for this...this isn't fun! Can I join the chess team instead?  Maybe play hopscotch?

....wait... I remember there being rocks involved there too... but they were little rocks and they're not thrown AT you....ok I think I can do hopscotch as long as every once in a while there's an emphasis on the scotch.

OH to go back to those days....where the worst part of your day was when the "it" girl called you a loser and you just punched her in the face and got on with your day! 

What?   You didn't do that?   that's just me? 

OK...when the "it" girl called you a loser and you sat around in the playground being sad...for like 5 minutes till you found something fun to do.

No...now there's hardly ever any recess time, the "it" people are MUCH worse and do much more horrible things than calling you a loser (although those jerks never do outgrow that and still call you that fairly often!) and you can't punch them in the face cause now it's a felony!

...man this life crap is hard!

kicking off the holiday "excitement"...

Well its 12 days before Christmas and 5 days before we load up the family vehicle and drive over 1200 miles to enjoy the holidays with our wacky California relatives.

Everything is just going according to plan...gifts are bought and shipped, kids are wrapping up their school stuff, dog sitter is arranged, car is tuned up and running smoothly and everyone is brimming with excitement!

Yeah....no, not really.  In a perfect world, I'm sure that's what today would look like for me...but this is my world, so if you take everything I said a minute ago and reverse it...that's today.

Over the next 2 days I have to help Dave make a Mayan "hat"...headdress sounds weird to him...for his school project, I have to help Angie put together a sampling of her favorite foods for Spanish class, and I have 2 holiday class parties to put together.  I'm starting to think teachers plan these projects to be due this week cause they figure "If I have to be here putting up with your kids the week before Christmas vacation...you should have to suffer too!"  Not to mention Al has finals this week which is sure to lead to a lot of wonderful head-butting, mumbling of rude things and eye rolling...and that's just me, there's no telling what he'll do! 

My 2 doggies are still a little up in the air.  I hate leaving them at the boarders...cause I worry they'll feel lonely and cooped up in the little room...but there's no way I'm ever taking 4 kids and 2 dogs in my car half way across the country EVER AGAIN!!!  So...I guess I'll pack them some extra toys!

And the car....oh my wonderful car!  We've had our suburban for a few years now...its been good! Its taken us to California and brought us back home several times...sucker's rolling on 120 thousand miles, with only regular tune-ups and the maintenance a car so well used would require.  And I had every expectation this year would be no different...oil change and tune up and off we go!  Until Saturday night....when I turned it on and it decided it didn't like sitting in neutral.  It wasn't sure whether it wanted to go anywhere, (not that I can blame it, its freaking COLD!) its would idle just fine...then putt putt putt putt like it was gonna turn off, then rev up to normal again, then putt putt putt putt....
Now I'm no car expert...but I drive often, and this is NOT good...especially when in 5 days we're planing on driving through miles and miles of nothing!

SO...as soon as that paycheck elf gets here, instead of gift shopping, I'll be heading over to our friendly mechanic to see what's up with my car.  And he will sadly take the blame if we have to cancel our vacation plans...cause it sure as heck wont be me!!!

And so...if we can eek out a little Christmas magic, and the car does not need some costly repair, I will be doing a 1 day online Christmas shopping marathon in the middle of all the other stuff to make sure everything gets shipped to grandma's house and delivered on time. 

The kids...yeah they're excited, cause all they've got to worry about is how many gifts they'll get. 

But me... I wouldn't exactly call what I'm feeling excitement...although the light-headed, shortness of breath symptoms inspired by a panic attack are somewhat similar feelings to extreme excitement I suppose.

you sure you weren't dropped on your head?

Geez...I didn't think I would make it.  Finally its relatively quiet, I'm sitting, and there are no situations in which parental intervention is required!

It was a looong night.  Five 14 year old boys is pretty much the equivalent of  a herd of baboons...do baboons come in a herd?...I don't know, but you understand what I mean.  Although, really...I've watched a lot of Animal Planet, and baboons might have more common sense!

First let me say that I should have known better and been prepared...when my son asked me if his friends could hang out after school at our house...well I should have asked how many friends...and for how long.  But I didn't.  Apparently, unless otherwise specified, hanging out after school has many definitions... technically after school on a Friday is really all the time between 3pm Friday and whenever mom finally looses it and sends everyone home.  
       So after a wonderful afternoon of yelling and xbox, I found myself cooking dinner for, not 6 people, but 11 people... 5 of which eat A LOT!!! So not something easily accomplished on the fly! 

The fun then moved (thankfully) to another room in the house so they could play pool.  At least that's what I thought they were doing.  When the boys came to ask me for super glue cause one of the ends had come off one of the pool cues...well once again some sort of warning sound should have gone off in my head, but no, I just handed the glue right over...like a big fat dummy!
  
       Not 10 minutes later my spidey senses are alerted to trouble by the loud, girl-like screaming coming from the pool room.  But did I go to investigate after the first round of screaming?  No, I said to myself "they're a bunch of boys...screaming is normal." and just told them to keep it down.  Did that bring the screaming to an end? NOPE! In fact, the screaming intensified to crazy, little girl shrieking levels.  Nothing to do then but go check.

    What wonderfulness did I find you ask?  Well apparently it seemed like a great idea to find out what would happen if one of the boys put super glue on his hand and, with the help of his 3 friends, held down the 4th friend and glued his hand the other boy's leg.  Now I know you and I would know this was not a good idea.  In fact I'd wager to say that this idea would probably never even occur to most of us. 

The loud, high-pitched screaming...well that is the natural consequence of tearing your super-glued hand from your friend's leg!


Apparently, hairy palms do not come from where we were told they come from...





...and waxing in an infinitely easier, not to mention more effective and less painful way, to remove unwanted leg hair!

So...half a bottle of nail polish remover and some very red skin later, hair and glue is gone from all affected limbs and I have gone to bed in sheer bafflement.

But was that the end of this adventure? NO, of course not!  They then played several games on the Kinect...which of course necessitates a lot of jumping and swinging of arms and legs.  So...back down the stairs I come after the lovely sounds of crashing and breaking of glass.  Yup...if you're jumping around and swinging your arms...as baboons are wont to do...make sure you remove all glasses full of soda from the near vicinity! 

Clean-up...further scolding...and I'm back to bed to get some sleep for my mental health.

But not for long....because, obviously, we are not in the library, and the concept of quiet voices is lost on baboons. 

Fortunately,  I have ear plugs and dad has VERY short fuse.  So around 2 am silence finally descended in our home.

This morning the boys all buckled down and completed their science projects...which by the way is the original reason I was given for why all 5 of them needed to be in one place (my house).  Projects complete they then sort of cleaned up after themselves.  They took my white tablecloth, which they failed to remove prior to the project making, outside to shake off all the... whatever that was all over it. 

Did you know its windy today?  And when 2 people shake out a large piece of fabric outside on a windy day...well it makes kind of a wind sail effect....

"HEY!! Let's take the tablecloth out front and go windsailing on our skateboards!!!"  Some large sticks and a few meters of duck tape later....and you have a windsail...and a no-longer-usable tablecloth.  I'll admit...it was pretty dang funny to watch! (once I got over the demise of my tablecloth.) 

  They ran in about 1/2 an hour ago...consumed almost a whole pot of chili...and are now back to xbox.  So that's why its quiet...when you're killing zombies all your limited concentration needs to be focused on your objective...no unnecessary talking!

  I hear that in a couple of hours some parents might be coming by to take some of them home....there's still hope that at the end of the day I will have some sanity left. 

A slight, but shining hope!!



you missed me...admit it!

So I've been blogless a couple of days...which is weird really cause I've been on my computer almost the entire time.  Spent the last 2 days pestering anybody I thought could help with my friend's adoption situation.  I was really expecting the Senators and congressman to block my number at some point! :)

Its been an unbelievable experience...at a time in our society when we constantly hear that we're all just in it for ourselves, that people are self-involved and that our government does little but drive us to drink...I've just experienced the exact opposite.  Hundreds of women and their families have paused their lives or spent every last available spare minute doing everything possible to help a family most have never met.  Even more unbelievable to me is the fact that this woman has been able to inspire this kind of friendship in so many women.  I mean really...would you spend virtually 2 entire days of your life helping someone you don't really know?  I don't know about you, but I might not spend that long on some of my family members.

....don't worry, I totally don't mean you! I'd help you out no matter what...I mean those other ones!

To be quite honest...enjoy this moment, it doesn't happen often...I'm pretty positive that I would not inspire that kind of support if I were in that situation.  I'm sure my inner circle of those who can still stand me would step up to the plate for me...but it sure as heck wouldn't be hundreds of people!!  Lets hope I never have to find out!!

I wish I could be more positive, more inspiring...but my sarcasm button seems to be stuck on high.  I guess its just part of my social ineptness...there's been very VERY rare instances where I manage to act appropriately in a a situation.  I mean it doesn't matter how serious the topic...I will at some point crack a joke about it or make some kind of inappropriate comment. 

  I don't do serious real well. My mind and heart might be in it...but my mouth just needs to break the tension.   I suppose its like a coping mechanism for me.  You know like those people who when they get real mad it makes them cry for some reason...by the way, when dealing with those people it doesn't help if you laugh.  Yeah...stress makes me inappropriate.

So you can imagine... in this economy, with 4 kids (2 of which are wallowing in adolescent angst), on a perpetual diet and during the holiday season...well its amazing one appropriate word exits my mouth at any point in the day!!!

Got a minute?

What would you do if you thought you might only have 2 days left to kiss your daughters goodnight? To hug them and tell them they are wonderful, beautiful and worthy?  To see their smiles and hear their laughter?  If you knew someone was coming to take them from you in 2 days how would you feel?
If you thought there was someone who could help you fix it, wouldn't you call them, email them, fax them...as many times as it took to get their attention?

That's what I've been doing today. 
 Let me tell you about my friend Pam and her family....better yet, I'll let her tell you in her own words.  This has been her plea all day, to anyone and everyone:

      Here's our Story: I am the proud mother of 3 children, Logan, Alexa and Paola. My husband, Lonnie and I had the wonderful pleasure of adopting Alexa and Paola from an orphanage in Juarez, Mexico in September 2006. While the past 4 years have been a little piece of Heaven to us as a family of 5, we have continually fought with the Mexican government to finalize the adoption that was supposed to only take 6 months. So here we are today begging for your help. Because Mexico took so long, the guidelines for international adoptions changed and we are caught in the middle. Now in order to adopt from Mexico you cannot know or have had contact with the children. Well obviously having our girls living in our home for the past 4 years would be an immediate dismissal. Mexico asked us to lie and pretend we never had the girls, however we would do this under penalty of perjury in the US and face imprisonment. We hit an official roadblock with Mexico this past summer and hired another attorney (our 4th one in fact) to help us try to finalize the adoption here in the US. Our adoption petition has been filed with the district courts and we simply await the review of a family court judge. But, we have run out of time. Mexico wants the girls back because we refused to travel to Mexico and sign a commitment letter. We were advised not to travel there because of the danger and also potential endangerment if we refused to sign this "commitment" jeopardizing our daughters, we would be detained in Mexico. Mexico has contact the US Child Protective Services and we have heard we have until this Friday, 12/10/10 to get all of this craziness stopped. We need a Texas Congressman or Senator to grant a "STOP ACTION" and not allow the US agencies to assist Mexico in deporting our girls.(Cause # 2010CM6553).  Please focus all efforts on Senator John Cornyn's office!  We need a STOP ACTION from Cornyn's office to prohibit Mexico from using a US agency like CPS or Border Patrol to take custody of our girls.
Online form http://cornyn....senate.gov/public/index.cfm?p=ContactForm
Phone:972-239-1310  Fax:972-239-2110

 Loving Life and Trusting Fully,

 Pamela Crim

 

If it were my girls, there's nothing I wouldn't do.  For my friends I'll do everything I can.  So I've emailed, called and faxed the offices of  Senators and Congressmen in Texas and I've prayed.  And I'll do so again tomorrow and hope and pray that in 2 days when its bed time on Friday, Pam and Lonnie are kissing their girls goodnight and tucking them in bed, knowing they'll wake up on Saturday still together and stay that way!

 

I'm hoping you all will help as well...those who know me well, and those of you who hardly know me at all.  If it were you, your family...you'd ask for and be eternally grateful for any help, from family, friends and strangers.  I know they are!

Thanks!

Good freaking morning to you too!!

Picture this....

  Its 6:03 in the morning.  Its quiet and dark.  Everyone is snuggled asleep in bed.  (Except for Angela, who needs an hour to put on a pair of pants and a sweater and gets up before the rest of us.  She's very quiet about it though...so no one really hears her doing her thing.)  So Angie, having finished doing her hair in my bathroom turns out the light so she wont wake me and walks out of the bathroom into my dark room.  At just this precise moment David is kinda staggering into my room, still half asleep, to ask if he can watch cartoons. Angie walks out, sees someone standing in front of her in the dark and...of course...screams like a banshee! 
Which, needless to say, makes David scream. 
Which of course scares the crap out of me...being sound asleep prior to all the screaming...and I start screaming and thrashing around trying to unravel myself from the blankets.
Which makes Angie and Dave scream again!
Still irrational from the abrupt transition, they make me scream again.

So there we are...all three of us...taking turns screaming at each other. 

Reason finally peeped in when Al yelled from his room "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!"

Normally I would frown upon the use of such language from my kids...but I couldn't really do much parenting when I was still trying to catch my breath and hoping my heart would get back into a normal rhythm! 

After all that Angie and I just started laughing...rather hysterically I might add.  Dave got mad at us, called us crazy and stomped off to his room. And I could hear Al mumbling "bunch of freaking weirdos don't let people sleep!" to himself in his room.

And that my friends is how my Wednesday began.

On the plus side, I didn't pee my pants!!

you don't say...

I just had to sit through an entire conversation with a delightful mother of a 5 month old who, in very clear and precise terms, explained to me why my parenting style was faulty.  She was just so sincere in her efforts to impart her wisdom. 

She shared with me that truly, if you must, at any point, resort to spanking your child, then you have obviously failed to parent that child properly!  Its tragic really how many parents just resort to the violence of spanking a child simply because they lack the will or ability to rationally solve any situation through talking, compromise and understanding.  She offered to help me find ways in which I could be a more constructive parent, like her.  Cause she understands how hard it is to overcome those bad habits you develop when you don't have good parenting skills.

Now I know what you're asking yourself right now....
"OH NO! Did Gina punch her right in the face?  Do we have to go bail Gina out?"

No my friends....no I didn't and no you don't. 
Sure I admit that at one point in my life...when I was less mature...that may have been a very likely choice for me.  Back then I might have either demonstrated the value of a physical expression of my displeasure or gifted her with a very expressive and lively monologue on my feelings about her opinion.

But that was then...today I sat there, very politely listening...well sorta listening, I was also going over my grocery list, my Christmas shopping list, my plans for out upcoming vacation, debating whether I should do the laundry today or not, considering the possible implications of travel at the speed of light...I nodded at all appropriate moments, quietly expressed my disagreement with her ideas, thanked her for her concern and her offer to assist me, wished her a good day and left.

And do you know why I was able to restrain my inner "oh no you di-int just say that to me!"?  Why, as I walked away, I had a smile on my face and a pep in my step?  Why, right at this moment as I'm typing this, I'm giggling just a little?

Cause I KNOW THINGS!  I know things she's never even considered! In her wonderful, rosy and clearly deluded...cause as a first-time mother of a 5month old she has NO idea ... little world she makes perfect sense to herself! She doesn't know what's coming.

 I, on the other hand, have lived this rodeo for 14 years.  That's why I was able to have this lovely conversation with her....secure in the knowledge that one day she WILL eat her words!  One day she too will be grinding her teeth, trying not to holler so loud the neighbors hear and spanking a cute, but naughty little butt.
Life has a way of making sure we learn those important lessons!
And as a mother, there is no more wonderful phrase than
" I told you so!"

    

Keep your coins...I want change!

So I stole the title of this here piece of literary shenanigans from my favorite website...smokinhotmamaclub.com. 
Its not what you think...or maybe it is....we're all hot! As in on fire for our lives, our families, our health and our faith! And we all want to talk to each other about it...cause that's what women do!

Anyway, this post was about...you guessed it, change! What do we want to change? Why do we want to change it? How are we gonna change it? And....really? Do you mean it this time? Are you really gonna change it?

Now there's TONS of stuff I want to change in my life.  There's significant interior design changes I desperately need to make around here.  There's the always needed "change your attitude!" going on in my house.  I'd like to change my eating habits so I'm not sitting here eating handfuls of frosted flakes while I type this.  There's a couple of surgical changes...or shall we say alterations...I'd like to make sometime in the near future.   Well, you get it...the list is pretty significant.
BUT...well they're all kinda namby-pamby changes.  Things I'd like...at some point.  It would be nice if I could...some day.  That would be really great...as soon as I can.
I realized my list of changes is more like a list of wishful thinking...all nice thoughts, but none really a concrete This is what I've been doing vs This is what I will do differently.

So I gave it some thought and decided for the health of my family, cause I don't do change well...it makes me cranky...I'm starting small.  I've come to the conclusion...ok after spending most of Friday and almost all of Saturday reading

                               Side note:  It was a hilarious 4 book series about a crazy family of private investigators.
                                 So once you start a series you can't just stop half way! You have to finish it!!!

and spending $20 on books 2 and 3 cause the library didn't have them  (Not the best use of my discretionary budget considering all the expenses this month will entail).... that maybe I may have a slight reading problem.  And I've always said as far as bad habits go...reading isn't so bad!  But when a mother of 4 lets her kids play X-Box all day and feeds them chicken nuggets and cereal so she can get back to her book quickly...its not good!  Not to mention that spending nearly 2 days sitting/laying around reading really isn't gonna do much for my fitness levels.  And going to sleep at 4AM really doesn't help my mood in the morning...which is already kinda ragged!

SO....you ready?  I've decided that for my first big change I need to give myself healthy reading parameters.  I will only read between the hours of 8 and 11PM.  And, should I be lucky enough to carve out some free time during daylight hours, the amount of reading time must be followed by an equal amount of time doing some kind of physical activity.  This, however, does not include the Monday of Book Club as I will generally forget to read our selection and will have to read it all that day!

I am committed to this change! I can do this!

Maybe I also need to commit to not having a box of frosted flakes sitting next to me while I'm on the computer....but dang they're good!!!

ok...really?

I just don't understand...what's so hard about not leaving your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor after your shower??  Or not leaving a glass with a 1/4 inch of milk in your room for 2 days? Or a banana peel in the same location?

I mean I love a mystery as much as the next guy...but I'd rather not play "where's that awful smell coming from?!" for 3 days!!

I don't think I'm asking for too much...I mean I don't pee on the back of the toilet, so why should I be the one having to clean that up!!

You don't see me spraying sparkly hair spray in my hair every day...so why am I the one scrubbing the bathroom floor and counter to get all the sticky shiny stuff off!!

And further more...its been a loooong time since I played with Play-Do. I shouldn't be responsible for picking it off the carpet!

I fully grasp that as the fulltime "domestic engineer" of my household, I am responsible for most of the maintenance around here.  And mostly I'm ok with that...I just remind myself (often) that its a blessing to have so much stuff to clean up daily and that I am blessed to be able to stay home and do it.

However...there HAS to be a line in there somewhere!  Sure I'll do your laundry and put it in a nice basket in your room, and I'll vacuum your room for you...maybe dust once in a while.  But I shouldn't have to go on an archaeological hunt through layers of detritus to find the awful smell!!!

An quite honestly...I love you, I do...but I don't want to pick up your dirty underwear/smelly socks!!

ALL my children know that if there's ONE thing I can't handle its any type of spoiled dairy product.  I mean that literally.  If at any point any cup/bowl/dish...anything contains anything dairy that seems even remotely spoiled to me I will gag all the way to the garbage and just throw it out.  I can't even begin to explain how many baby bottles we went through when the kids were babies...its hundreds...per kid!!!  Its one of my few OCD issues I've never felt compelled to overcome.
So why, then, can they not rinse out their cups/bowls/whatever before putting it in the sink?!! Worse yet...why would they leave a glass sitting around like that for God knows how long?!!! Literally threw up like 3 times before I could even get close enough to the glass to remove it! Then a couple of more times before I finally got the glass outside to the garbage can...there's NO WAY I was throwing that away inside my house!!  If this keeps up I'll have to find a part-time job just to pay for new cups!!

I know... I'm complaining a lot....and NO ONE wants to hear a big whiner!
I'll stop now....I'll come back later when I've finished cleaning around here and have sprayed down and put away my hazmat suit.  Its kinda hard to type with these biggo gloves anyway!

Leftovers...

So...Thanksgiving has come and gone...and with it my desire to eat turkey for another year!  I'm not a fan of food that comes attached to bone. Well poultry at least...cause I do love me a good t-bone or pork chop!  I have removed all leftovers from the premises and refuse to even consider giblets or turkey breasts for the next 12 months!

I didn't do any shopping...cause I don't like the people.  There's just too many of them out there! Worse yet...sometimes they want to talk to you!!  So I just stayed home and napped...a lot! It was fabulous!  I don't understand this crazy need I seem to have to always be "productive"...or at the very least seem like I'm being "productive"!  Like I am somehow being a horrible person if I just lay around once in a while...or once a week!  To be honest, that's one of my favorite things about winter...the weather is soo cold/rainy/icy/snowy that really the only thing to do is hang out at home.  In my favorite hang-out position...which obviously would be reclining on a soft surface.  Especially LOVE Sunday's....cause its THE day of rest AND football happens to be on ALL day!! That's magic!

So...I now find myself two weeks from our trip out west and a holiday which rather requires some gifts...of which I have NONE. 
 
   OK...I have one. I've been a good girl so I got myself the Kinect...for fitness purposes of course!  

One of the good things about traveling for the holidays is that I have an absolute ironclad excuse for not going to ANY stores.  Since I need to ship everything anyway...I just get it all online!  And since everyone knows I'm not the most emotionally involved person, well...no one is surprised that all the nieces and nephews get gift cards from us!

So all in all, I'm not to worried about having to do all the Christmas shopping in the next 10 days....

then again...check with me in 8 days!

Why wont my mouth just shut up!

Ever find yourself at the market talking to the meat department guy who's just asked you if you've got your big turkey yet and you find yourself responding, "We don't really like the dark meat, so I just got two big breasts."?
No? That's cause you're not me. 

Poor man...you could almost see him thinking "don't look! don't look! don't look!"

I like to think I'm pretty witty. And I am, if it just randomly comes out of my mouth when not in the middle of an actual conversation, I can be sorta funny...or slightly offensive, depending on your general sensitivity.  But if you're actually trying to have a conversation with me, suddenly I'm channeling Pee Wee Herman. 

There's one moment that will live in infamy inside my own head....

A few years back I went out with a few girlfriends for a girl's night out.  We were all looking pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. However, and this happens ALL the time, while the other ladies will get the occasional guy try to start a conversation or buy them a drink...this never happens to me (which I'm good with, cause that kinda creeps me out...and I'm sure Al wouldn't be to thrilled with either!). My cousin told me its cause I give out this "back away slowly" vibe...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not... 
     ANYHOW...so there we are having a great time, poor sad men walking away from the girls in defeat, and not one has talked to me...until our very cute bartender (who probably felt a little sorry for me and thought he'd make my night) came over to me with my drink and a little bowl of limes and started talking to me.  Now I suppose this broke some kind of barrier because before long a nice looking guy sat down next to me said hi and then said I must really like lime in my beer...here it was... a never-before moment... a guy trying to talk to me at a bar... what was my great "bar talk" answer?  My "I'm super hot and you're lucky to be talking to me" answer?

"Yup! Limes are good! They keep away the scurvy!"

THE SCURVY!!!! 

It was like I'd yelled some foul curse word at the man.  The girls all kinda slowly turned to look at me with just a look of horror on their faces.  And the guy...well he just smiled...like you would at a crazy person...and said "that's good to know" and walked away.  The cute bartender was just cracking up.  I caught him looking my way while talking to some of the other workers...so I'm sure the entire staff got a good chuckle out of it!

   It happens every time...even the people who know me, every once in a while after I say something spectacular like that, will just smile at me a nod with that look in their eyes that says "Wow! maybe someone dropped her on her head!"

Now this is a kind of Jekyll and Hyde thing for me....
One one hand...well there's very little pressure on me to make witty conversation.  My people just don't expect it, so if by some miracle it happens, WOW, everyone's impressed! But if it doesn't...well that's just the way I roll!   On the other hand... DARN it I am a well educated, intelligent woman with wonderful thoughts and ideas! WHY wont my mouth cooperate? Its very hard to impress people with how awesome I am when I'm blurting out facts about SCURVY!!!

I don't know...I guess its a very good thing I got married so young and we've managed to stick it out...cause there's NO WAY I'd be a successful "dater"...unless I hung out a pirate conventions, they're always worried about scurvy.

As a mom, there's nothing harder than watching your kid make a stupid choice with hard, sad consequences.  There's nothing you want to do more than turn back the clock and stop them from doing it.  You wish more than anything you could just hug them and fix it all...but you can't. 
You have to stand there and be serious and tough and lay out the penalties and negative consequences of their mistake when, really, you love them so much you'll forgive anything and all you want to do is make them feel better.
You have to stand there and tell this child, whom you love more than anything in this world and who could never do anything that would make you love him less, that he's disappointed you, that he's damaged the trust in your relationship and you don't feel you can fully count on him to do what's right at this point.

You have to stand there with your arms at your sides when you'd give anything to be able to wrap him up and just hold him like when he was little, you have to hear the anger and defiance in his voice while looking at him and see that his body language is screaming that he really wants you to do just that,  hold him and just make it go away.

But you can't.

Because this is his moment of reality.
This is a turning point for him...continue on this path or choose a new one, and he's gotta walk it. 
This is where he starts to build the man he will one day be.  And no matter what you want for him, you can't make him want it too.  He has to want it.  He has to discover his potential, his goals and he has to learn that only he can realize them. 

In the end all you can do is stand there, arms and heart open wide for him, giving unquestionable love, without strings or conditions, giving support and advice.  But that's all...its everything you've got to give and you pray its enough, but in the end...
All you can do is stand there.

guerrilla warfare-its the kids you have to worry about.

I am not a quitter!  I will not give up!! I will survive....give me a minute...

ok done singing...

Sometimes in the evening hours I am seriously emotionally challenged.  I don't have the ability to handle one more whine, cry or petty argument....

     SERIOUSLY!  Is it really important whether the I Carly chick is a good singer?

     Do you have to have a 20 minute argument about it? NO!! NO, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT!!!!

     I don't care WHO was in the bathroom first...you're just washing your hands!

     STOP TRYING TO PUSH EACH OTHER OUT THE DOOR AND SHARE THE DANG SINK!!

And on and on it goes!  I'm not crazy! No really...I'm not! So how is it I find myself doing that crazy lady clenched-jaw-while-trying-to-yell thing?  Often.  Every once in a while I go to my room and lock myself in the bathroom just so I can have a couple of minutes of peace and quiet.

I LOVE my kids...sometimes though, I wonder about them...

     The 11 year old swears she's got the correct information about EVERYTHING and she must impart her significant knowledge on everyone else.  So she's very quick to point out when either of the other two are not doing something correctly, or they're not following the rules to her exact specifications, or they just look dorky doing whatever they're doing....she's also in charge of the aesthetic aspect of everything. We're thinking of just handing her number cards...so she can give us our scores!

    My boy, who's 8, has a delightful lack of impulse control....did you jump of a high place? WAIT...he'll find one higher!  A few days ago my youngest...I'll explain her in a minute...comes running into the kitchen yelling "David's on the roof!! He climbed out the bathroom window!"  Yup...that's my Dave!  Someone wants to play pool...WAIT! Lets play extreme pool and put our hands on the edge of the table to see who can take the hardest hit!!  (To which Angie quickly says "DUH!! that's not a broken finger...its merely a contusion! And it makes your finger look ugly!!")  Lets have a race on our bikes.....WAIT! lets make a ramp out of some wood and see who can get the most air jumping over each other...lay down right here Rachel!!  He's the reason we buy medical supplies in bulk.

     The youngest...yeah, she's a hard one to catch.  Clearly, she has a future in the CIA or some kind of stealth secret forces or maybe investigative reporting....cause its AMAZING how she can tell you exactly what everyone is doing, where and why.  She would make a wonderful spy. She hides real well...how else is she supposed to catch someone being bad.  She has a near photographic memory of everything her sibling have done wrong that week, month, year and will quickly remind me or dad of these transgressions when she thinks the situation calls for it.  She is VERY fast...I mean she is in front of me telling me this kid hit that kid before the kid being hit even feels the pain, its uncanny!  AND...girl knows how to turn a situation to her advantage...so she's been bugging her brother (very quietly) for the last 20 minutes.  The minute he looses it and retaliates...tears, shaky bottom lip, big sad eyes...she's got it down to a science!!

   I know what you're thinking...where's the 4th kid?  Is he the good one? Never gives his mama trouble?  If you're asking that you obviously haven't read the older posts...SHAME ON YOU!

   He's hardly ever involved in the actual event... at 14 he's too mature to play with the "kids".  So obviously he wont join in the questionable activity...he's merely there as a consultant.  You know...just there to lend a hand if people get distracted, so he can helpfully lead them back to their fabulous idea.  He's a helper like that..never one to let an awesome idea go to waste...a facilitator...you got a plan? don't know how to pull it off? Not to worry...Al will help.  Just remember this was your idea...he'll just be watching from waaay back over here so he doesn't get in the way of your glorious moment!  He's the frame...you're the picture.  Got a problem?  Someone annoying you?  Well...he's a man of peace, so he wont become personally involved in any retribution...but he's got some great ideas about how you can deal with that person.  AND he's a great problem solver (as long as we're not talkin math) and delegator.  Mom said no more snacks its almost dinner time, but there's some great cookies sitting right there on the bottom shelf. Why Rachel is small and stealthy...Dave go do your stuff and act crazy over there to distract mom while Rachel sneaks in the pantry for the cookies.  If there's a way HE WILL FIND IT!

So you can understand why, by dinner time, I'm a little frazzled.  It takes an unbelievable amount of patience to deal with their skills! And ear plugs...it takes patience and ear plugs!  And prayer...patience, ear plugs and prayer.

But when it comes down to it they might get into some crazy stuff, but between the 4 of them they almost always figure out a way to fix whatever mess they're in.  They fight and bicker ALL DAY but when the rubber meets the road, they almost always close ranks and stand together.  So if I can just keep my sanity, keep them out of the hospital and away from committing any actual crime in their exuberance I have no doubt they'll do just fine!

So really what I'm saying here is that my kids have POTENTIAL!!

 It's all in how you look at it!!!!

The best day EVER!!

I can't believe today is finally here!!

Today is a VERY important day you know!  I've been waiting for today my WHOLE life!

Every single moment of my entire life has been spent preparing for today....

Every wonderful friendship and painful betrayal,
Every sweet moment of rest and frantic moment of struggle,
Every wonderful day of health and awful day of illness,
Every life changing birth and mournful death,
Every mountain top of joy and delight and every valley of grief and sorrow,
they have all brought me right here to today.  So today must be one heck of a day!  Today must be getting ready to bring me something incredible! Today must be the most important day I've ever lived otherwise, why would I have needed such strenuous preparation?

If everything I've ever lived was in preparation for what will happen today, then today will surely change the rest of my life...every tomorrow will depend on what I do with today.

The rest of my tomorrows will hinge on what I do with what today has brought me...I'd better get cracking!!!

And the most wonderful part...the most perfect part is that I can say this EVERY morning!!!

hindsight...and other Christmas disturbances.

I warned you!
I told you things would get bad if you didn't change your ways.  You've done nothing but make trouble for me from the moment we met.  Its been nothing but very short lived joy followed by guilt and years of disappointment.  I know I hold some of the fault too.  I should have been strong enough to walk away before, but you always manage to drag me back in.  You have no right to control my life this way.
Starting today I'm taking my life back! You hold no more power over me! I am a better woman without you and my life WILL be happier without you!

HOSTESS CUPCAKES I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!!!

At least until the holidays are over! :)

Its that time of the year again...although to be honest I've had a couple of years now to not deal with this. But now its that time again and the pressure will surely make me a little nuts from now until then!!

We are traveling "home" for Christmas...back to visit all our wonderful family in California.  Don't get me wrong, they really are wonderful...well, mostly...but I come from a wonderful Hispanic family.

Why would that cause stress? you ask

Well...many of you will understand from experience, but for those of you who don't...
My family is a rowdy bunch of people who love a good party with lots of good food and beverages.  So there's a lot of togetherness.

Now before I say this let me stress the fact that its all part of our crazy love...its hard to explain.

But...well not one event goes by with out the post-party recap and a few " my goodness, she sure has gained a lot of weight this year!"
Its comical to me...now that I'm not so self-conscious...but its inevitable.  You'll hear it after every gathering.

If fact, I have this aunt whom I haven't seen in many years now who used to great me EVERY TIME SHE SAW ME with "mija, que gordita estas!" ....or for those of you who are Spanish challenged..."honey, look how chubby you are!"  she would then, of course, follow it up by telling me I looked beautiful...but chubby! :)

There really is no hatefulness behind it...I think its some kind of weird cultural love thing. 
But you can see how this can make a girl stress out a little!  I mean I haven't been back a couple of years...so by comparison to then, I'm a couple of years older and the joys of middle age a couple of years more... established. 
Which brings me, like most other women in my position, to the "OH MY GOD! how can I lose 15 pounds in the next 3 weeks?  And clear up and de-wrinkle my face? And perk up...whatever needs perking?!!"

And since I tend to be a little OCD....well that brings us right back to my breakup with the evil Hostess Cupcake...and any other food I love that falls into that category! 

 I'd try that crazy Atkins diet...but I don't like steak THAT much...and quite frankly a couple of days of no carbs makes me slightly psychotic!  I really though I'd hit the motherload when that guy announced his awesome Twinkie diet...but well, that's just a little scary.  I mean...what if I try it and a week in find out I've gained like 10 pounds?  Then its really gonna hit the fan around here and I'd rather still be married after the holidays!

So...back to counting my calories, taking my vitamins and working out every day.  Which really is something I should have kept doing all along!!

To all my sisters and girl cousins...how bout we all make a pact to tell each other how freaking marvelous we look every time we see each other during the holidays?  That will at least mitigate the trauma of knowing the minute you walk out the door someone will mention how big/jiggly/saggy your butt looked on the way out!!!

Bring on the HOLIDAYS!!! :)

Michael Vick- healing families one magical football game at a time.

Last night I had one of the nicest, most meaningful talks I've had with my oldest son in a while.  All thanks to Michael Vick.

Last night I loved that man just a little bit...and not just cause I creamed my fantasy opponent and broke 200 points all thanks to his almost 60 point performance...it's hard for me to say that cause I have no respect for him at this time.  He's got a long way to go before I'm willing to say he's a good person. Great QB ABSOLUTELY! But a horrible man!  And I say that with all the hope that he can use his past mistakes to make a life worthy of the talents, skills and opportunities he's been blessed with!

Anyhow, the Als and I were sitting...ok, they were sitting, I was jumping, hollering and making a general crazy out of myself...watching the game.  At one point I said can you believe this guy was in jail like a year ago? Which began the discussion of how long he was in jail and all the stuff surrounding that.

Now we've had a rough couple of months with our boy.  He's been testing our boundaries, commitment, love and sanity...on a daily basis.  So most conversations with him are...challenging.  We've been so busy just trying to keep him from making bad choices and driving us to therapy, that we haven't really sat down to just talk about stuff. That's where Vick comes in...opening the doors of communication!!

I then said to my boy "Did you know a person can be convicted of a felony and face up to 2 years in prison for tampering or damaging a Bald Eagle egg and yet hundreds of thousand human babies die through abortion every year and its ok with our society?"  He thought about that for a minute and said, "That doesn't sound right.  But what if a girl is raped? She should be able to get an abortion, its not fair for her to have to have that baby."

Now, I know what my beliefs are and my kids know what my beliefs are...but in that moment I realized they know the what, but not the why.  I can tell them this or that is right or wrong, but if I fail to get them to understand why...well then its just pointless.  Worse, it's exactly what drives us to rebel against out "parent's beliefs" when we're old enough to be exposed to opposing schools of thought.  If I can't express to them clearly the whys of what I believe, then I'm not helping them develop the reasoning skills to make these decision for themselves. 

I explained to him that only 1% of all abortions are made by women who have been raped or abused.  About 4% more are due to health problems of the baby or mother.  I told him that in these situations the parents have an absolute right to choose what they feel is best for them.

But that means that 95% abortions are just a means of birth control. ...those I don't understand.   There is NO reason why abortion needs to be used as birth control. In a day when condoms are available for free at the school nurse, when family planning clinics are everywhere and provide practically free birth control pills and numerous other birth control methods, for people of any age regardless of parental consent, there really should be no need for abortions.  I told him you don't "accidentally" have sex...which, of course, made him giggle...you choose to have sex.  So then, to turn around and say " I was too irresponsible to use birth control and therefore the solution now is to kill this baby." is wrong. 
I told him I believe God has a purpose for EVERY baby conceived. 

It completely blew me away when he replied " well then if God has a plan for them and they're aborted, He must be ok with that."
I said "oh no baby...God never wants that.  God never wants us to do wrong, hurtful things...but He lets us cause He wants us to grow.  Every choice we make whether right or wrong, He will use it to make us better people if we let Him. We, however, have to be willing to work in the messes we make.  We have to be willing to say hey I really screwed up God, help me make it right!"

And this is where the magic happened....
He said, real quietly..." I haven't done that in a long time."
"What?" I asked
"Told God I'm making a mess and asked for His help....its a lot of stuff.  I can't really fix it all."
So I just said "You can't always go back and fix it all.  But God promised you that tomorrow is a new morning.  Where you can start fresh.  Once you face God with everything you've done that you think is wrong, He promised to forgive you and, better yet, forget it like it never happened.  All that stuff doesn't matter to God, you matter to God. Your tomorrow matters to God.  That's why whatever you did yesterday or last week or last month God wants you to face and accept and repent for, not because He decides what your worth is because of it, but because once you face it He WILL use it to make you better tomorrow."
He just laid there quietly for a little while with his head on my lap and  then just said "Ok."
God gives us little moments like this, I think, to remind us that its never too bad, too far or too hard.  Its amazing to me that, when you least expect it, you can have a conversation that allows you to share your heart and see into your child's.

Now if we could only get him to the point of not driving me to medication!! Baby steps...baby steps!!

Quick...someone get me a pitchfork!!!

So my brother-in-law is visiting for a few days.  Its wonderful to see him since we haven't been back to California in a couple of years. 

I know people say this all the time but really...MAN the years go by fast!! If you'd asked me 8 years ago how long I'd be living here in Tulsa, my answer was a very clear "Not real long!"  Absolutely nothing in me wanted to leave California and move out to Oklahoma where, as everyone from California knows,  there's nothing but farms and cows and tornados.

Now there's absolutely nothing that would make me move back to California.  I suppose its all a matter of perspective...you like what you know!

Heck...I've even started giving some thought to getting me one of them farms!

Every year I try to expand my horizons a little.  For the last couple of years I've grown veggies in my back yard...my own little organic farm.  I've got my little compost bin up and running...and NO its not smelly, in case you were wondering! 
This year I desperately wanted to start my own little beehive so I could make my own honey....well ok, so my bees could make me some honey.  But Al vetoed that idea.  Apparently he didn't feel that having a beehive outside our house in the yard where the kids and dogs play all day was a good idea!!  I'm still hopeful I can talk him into it though.
So I'm thinking it would be nice to have a small farm...a couple hundred acres where I can really grow some veggies, maybe have a couple of horses, a cow, some chickens...maybe a goat.  Doesn't that sound neat?!!
I could ride around on my horse and do farm stuff! 

Ok...so I'm not real sure what farm stuff is, but I do so love the show "The Fabulous Beekman Boys" and its totally educational! So if they can do it...surely I can!  

Now...the cow would really just wonder around and do cow stuff cause I'm sure not gonna milk it or anything.  So it really would just be there for decorative purposes...you know farm-like...and to provide the organic fertilizer for my organic veggies! The Als can do that job they're both pretty good at spreading that kinda stuff around!! :)
The goats...well I'm not really sure what goats do, they're farm job is a mystery to me...but with a couple of hundred acres, mama will need some help mowing the grass!! And if I can get them fainting goats...that right there is HOURS of free entertainment...so they'll totally earn their hay!!

Chickens scare me a little...cause they're a little nuts, you never know when they're gonna loose their minds and attack you with their evil little beaks and tiny claws.  But I think I can take them!  And think of the fun I can have "supervising" when I send the kids out to get the eggs....crazy flapping chickens, screaming children...that's where magic happens people!  Although knowing Angie...she'll sweet talk them chickens and have them sitting quietly while she puts sassy nail polish and their tiny claws!  And if that doesn't work Rachel can wrestle them chickens into submission!!

I'm gonna have to seriously research this farm business...

I did say I needed to find a new challenge... YEEHAW!!

I'm cool! no...really, I am!

Can I admit to you that I find the teenagers somewhat intimidating?
I know...Its ridiculous!! But I can't seem to help it!

Maybe its cause I was a little nerdy in my own teenage years.  I mean I wasn't completely crazy nerdy...but well I wasn't exactly a social leader among my female counterparts and boys certainly weren't lining up for a date with me!!

I know...they were just awed by my awesomeness!!

But I digress...
Somewhere in me this sad little nerdy chick is still a little overwhelmed when faced with the "cool kids".
Sure I'm 36 and can totally take them down...not that I will, cause people keep telling me its apparently illegal...and I'm a successful grownup and all...so how lame am I that I still want them to think I'm cool?

I KNOW! I KNOW...I'm a middle-aged mom of 4, not exactly what a teenager considers cool...but well I at least don't want them to think "UGHHHH!!" when I'm around.

Now don't think I'm running around trying to "act cool"...cause how pathetic is that!  I'm just seriously uncomfortable when surrounded by them. I'm really trying to overcome this utter wrongness, so I volunteer at the kids' youth group...hoping maybe a little complete immersion therapy will help! But even then, I tend to just try to melt into the background...you know stealth like. 

This whole post is just making me mad! What the heck is wrong with me!! Sheesh!!

God!! maybe I do need some therapy...
Then again I'd probably be too embarrassed to admit any of this to a therapist....so I guess it'll be our secret!

How is it after all these years of being free and strong you look around and find you've been stuck in the same web.  Too stuck to know you've been there for so long.  Where does this power come from?

Is it love, selfish love, that binds so tightly there's no room for anything else.  That consumes so much there's nothing left?
Is it the quiet words and sighs that wrap guilt around every moment?  That make one feel powerless and useless.  Forever striving and working and paying, trying to please the one that quietly quietly breaks them?
Is it in the fear of a loud voice or in the punishing silence that declares you're not worth it?
Is it in the insecurity of being told you're almost good enough.  If only you'd tried harder. In words that make one curl up and stop trying or words that push one to work so hard their life is wasted, tirelessly spinning in a wheel that goes nowhere?
Is it in how closely they hold you?  So tightly you become part of them and lose yourself.
Is it in the complete freedom they give you? You fly so free, never feeling the security of their bond, until you're lost.  Until there's so many pieces of you in so many places you'll never feel whole.
Where does this power come from? 

How can someone's life be so carefully and completely controlled by another?  Why are their words so important that they affect every corner of your life?  Why are their needs so much more essential than yours?  How can their words strip you of who you know you are and make you into someone else?  Why can't you be good enough?  Why is it your fault?  Why will you never be good enough?

Am I stuck there?  Have I not realized it yet?  Am I so wrapped up that I can't even see it?

Worse yet...have I done this to someone else? Have I bound someone and just not realized it?

but..but...but...

The last few months have been a great time of learning around our house. 
We've realized that as parents learning never stops...ever!  Just when you think you've got it figured out...someone catches something on fire,  someone's missing a chunk of hair,  something important is broken, lost or damaged,  good grades become mediocre grades which then become bad grades....it just never ends!
So we decided we'd better figure it out darn quick....or at least sort of, kind of figure it out even a little!!

One of the recurrent themes around our house has always been the great 'BUT'.  If there's one thing my kids excel at, its coming up with a great excuse for whatever situation they find themselves in.  Which OF COURSE drives me nuts!! You'll find me yelling several times a day "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR AN EXCUSE! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST DO IT!" 
However, oddly enough...I'm also always asking them "Why would you do that?" or "why aren't you doing what you're supposed to be doing?" or the ALWAYS popular around my house "WHY ARE YOU HITTING HIM/HER??!"
Which really just opens the door for their ever-ready excuse.  I'm literally asking them to give me an excuse!!
So no more WHY's!! I just make sure they know what's expected of them and that's it...there's no excuses. The reason WHY you didn't do what you're supposed to isn't really important.  Cause if you break the law, a judge isn't really gonna care why you broke it...he's just gonna hand you your consequence and move on to the next guy right? 

And that's what we're trying to do with the kids...and I think its working...I hope!

BUT...well, when it come to excuses, I got a few myself. 

I know I should do this or that, but...

If I gain weight...obviously, its cause I have a slow metabolism.  Its genetic you know.  I can't really do anything about it!
If I don't workout...well, if you had 4 children to clean after, cook for, drive around...not to mention the piles of laundry they leave around...you'd be too tired too.  Plus, I'm not sleeping real well.  And I just don't have enough hours in the day!
If I overdraft our checking account (sorry babe!)...I just forgot about that one check.  And hey, you use your debit card all over the place too.  I've just been too busy to balance the checkbook!!

Then there's the random ones that you can use in multiple situations;  I've been sick, I didn't get your message in time, I'm on my period, I don't know what that smell is....

I've got them all...and use them quite frequently.  So maybe I need to give myself the '"Why" doesn't matter!' rule.  I just gotta do what I KNOW I'm supposed to be doing!! Nothing less than that is acceptable.  Excuses are just the words that cover up a failure...

My new motto will be:
"The BUT wont get rid of the BUTT!!!"

blah blah blah

ahhhh...my friends its been a loooong week. 

Which is weird cause its been less busy than usual!  I guess starting the week off on a candy binge didn't help any!

I'm kind of in a funk I guess...not feeling very motivated, energized or interested really. 

I think I need a new challenge
... based on my Facebook activity, yesterday, I guess, was a "see how many people you can tick off in one day" challenge! :) And apparently...I have incredible skills in that area!  If there were some way to earn money with those skills...I'd be rolling in it!  Which would probably just lead me to more trouble...so I guess its a good thing I haven't found that job yet!!

SOOO...new new challenge (before someone beats me up!)
lets review my manifold skills and abilities....
I will review them quietly in my head so I don't make you all feel so bad...

OK....anything that doesn't involve public speaking, folding laundry or math in any of its formats is a go!!

Maybe its time for me to go back to school for something.  I have a whole list of things I want to learn!  Sure most of them are not really "career choices"...I don't think Oklahoma has much of a demand for scuba divers.
  I totally wanna be a pastry chef!  But I already don't make the best eating decisions...and knowing how to whip up fantastic desserts probably wouldn't help me there. 

I've always wanted to be an archaeologist...but I don't like getting dirty much and have a short attention span.  So I'd get fired real quick when I got tired of brushing the bone of whatever with the tiny paintbrush and busted out the leaf blower!

HEY....If I become a professional scuba diver I can then become a professional sunken treasure hunter...THAT would be awesome!!

But I don't think its realistic now...maybe when the kids are grown-up...

OK...maybe I just need to get around to writing my first book now.  Its literally in the top 3 of my life's to do list.  I just don't handle rejection well.  I mean, I wont go after you with a bat or anything...maybe...but it will surely ruin my week!  I'm such a chicken!! Its pathetic!

hmmmm...notice a pattern here? Whole bunch of ideas...even bigger bunch of BUTs! 

UGGHHHH....lets not talk about big butts.  Now there's a challenge!!! :)

I've gotta really sit down and make a list of goals...short and long term.  Although, for me, long term is probably only a few months out tops...otherwise I'd forget what I was supposed to be doing for sure!

First goal for today...time to get back on the evil treadmill!  My week of recovery is now over...I gave myself an extra day just to be on the safe side :)...but IF (notice its a big if) I'm gonna do the El Paso marathon in March...I'd better get cracking. 

Second goal for today...try not to piss anyone off!  That's gonna be a hard one!!! :)

Surprise!!!!

Had an absolutely fantastic date with Al last night!!

Flowers and chocolate? NOPE
Romantic dinner and candlelight? you ask...NOPE
Some quiet smooching on the couch? NOPE...nosey!

Al and I had the MOST fantastic time last night covering the front lawn of some friends of ours in campaign signs.  Signs of all different colors, sizes and probably political sides since I didn't really look to see who they were!!  It was like a beautiful Election time wonderland!!!

There we were...at 10:30 at night, sneaking around outside their house in our stealthy dark clothing, giggling like idiots as we put up sign after sign after sign on their lawn...with a lovely note that read: 
                          Don't forget to vote! Love, Al and Gina.

Oh it was magic!! We giggled like little kids all the way there and all the way back!!

I'm sure our friends got a good laugh from it too...as well they should since this was payback from the toilet they left in our front yard a couple of months back!!

But the best part, the very BEST part was how much fun WE had just doing something silly and completely out of our norm!

I know...you'd figure Al and I would do this kinda stuff all the time...since we are a little off the wall. But we don't.  At least we DIDN'T....

We had such a good time that we've decided to make this a new family tradition!!

Don't worry folks...we wont go with the typical (and hard to clean up) toilet paper or the evil eggs!  We're gonna find new and inventive ways of leaving wonderful little surprises for all our friends (within a reasonable driving distance!) all over their yards!!
My thought is...if you can't remove my surprise in less than 10 minutes because you're laughing too hard to go faster, I did  a good job!  And since I am an overachiever...sometimes...well, I'm gonna try real hard!

Who needs marriage counseling when you can prank your friends and neighbors together!!!

OH THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!!!


P.S  In case "The Man" is monitoring me...all signs were legally removed from un-authorized areas in my housing addition so there's no need to come arrest me!! :)

yikes!!

You know that one friend?...the one who's lost some weight and suddenly thinks she's ready for the runway?

Come on....you all know one....girl loses ten pounds and suddenly she's wearing clothes that are a little too tight and perhaps a few years too young for her?
 I mean you just wanna say....."girl, there should NOT be a bump (or four) there!" or "HEY! you've had a few kids...club wear is not for you!!! And CERTAINLY NOT AT CHURCH!!!!" ;0

Yeah...you know what I'm sayin!!

Well... I was downloading some pictures from our camera this morning...girls...I think I might be this friend!!!

Which really ticks me off!  Cause DANG girls...how come none of you said anything!!!
I mean, I know I can be a little scary at times....but its not like I've actually hit any of you!!....

ummm...well...its not like I've actually hit any of you REALLY HARD!!!

So to avoid this happening  AGAIN I've developed a very subtle...yet effective...method to notify me when I'm lookin a little whack: (and if we can get other friends on board...this could really change our lives!!)

Should I AT ANY POINT look like I'm wearing something a couple...or a few...sizes two small for me, all you have to do is look at me and say "Five" or "Ten" or "15"...however many pounds you think I gotta lose before I can successfully carry off the outfit. (however...if its 15 or more, feel free to drag me to the nearest bathroom and smack me, cause that's just wrong!)

Same goes for any outfit that you consider past its "use by" date....just give me a year...you know like "1998", "2000", "2005"... you know whenever you think it MIGHT have been appropriate for me to wear this outfit!  (as before...if you ever have to say anything prior to 1990...and its not a costume party...drag me to the nearest bathroom and smack me!)

This would really help me...cause there is no excuse for you all letting me open my picture folder and yelling "WHAT IN THE HE..." at my computer!!! There just aren't enough editing tools on Photoshop!!!

I HEREBY FAITHFULLY PROMISE TO NOT SMACK YOU BACK...HARD!!

I LOVE me some Halloween!

I just love Halloween!  I mean its the only time of the year I can color my face green put on a hat and if I act like a witch...well I'm in character! What did you expect?!!!

I'm glad I can start exercising some again tomorrow...I've eaten enough kitkats to feed AT LEAST 15-20 small children.  And I'm not talking a small snack either...my kitkat consumption would definitely equal an full meal!!

Enjoy this most unhealthy of all holidays!!!
Happy Halloween!!!

To all those who know and love me and whom I know and love, I humbly apologize for not being a 100%, all-in, sold out to you friend. But I'M ALL IN NOW!!!

I've always known I'm not THE bestest friend a person could ask for.  I'm completely socially-inept, rather self-involved and would rather be home with a good book or watching some sporting event or another than with other people.  That's just my personality...its who I am...its how I'm made!

Ok not...its what's comfortable.  So church today was a little hard to sit through.  I mean I sure don't want to sit there and learn I've chosen to be a sucky friend.

But there's the truth...I have always chosen to not ever be 100% invested in any friendship.  Its not like if you call me with a problem I'm gonna say..."sorry The Duke in this book is about to rescue the beautiful, yet rebellious young Lady from being eaten by Zombies, I really gotta go!" I mean I will listen and help if I can and be supportive and all...but that's where I'm done.  Even if I have something completely relevant in my life to share...I probably wont.  I mean...its not like you wanna hear my mess! After all...you called me to talk about your problem!  And well...I'm kind of a private person, I'm not just gonna tell you all my business! Geez!!

So...now I hear God wants me to be 100% in...like I gotta put my stuff in the pile too. 
All of it?  I mean...ALL of it?   cause I got stuff...my stuff's got stuff....this might be a loooong conversation! Should I put it in alphabetical order?  By order of level of destruction?  By order of most to least police involvement?  Or maybe just I should start off slow so as not to scare you off....

Which brings me to the second half of my dilemma...apparently I also have to be willing to allow my friends to, not only be my cheerleaders, but also be willing to let them point out when I'm strutting my stupid!!

If a friendship is totally comfortable, if your friend never challenges you, questions you, reprimands you and occasionally smacks you in the back of the head...well that's not really a 100% friendship. 

So my friends, now that I've turned over this new leaf and I'm going all-in, (I am you friend whether you want me or not) AND  since I happen to allow my stupid to strut around rather often...usually in high heels and a sassy hat so it gets lots of attention...

I'm sure we'll have lots to talk about!!

This morning, once again, found me yelling myself hoarse during Dave's football game.  It really doesn't matter if we're up or down, offense or defense...heck it really doesn't even matter if my kid's on the field...I will holler like a loon for other people's kids!   I have come to notice  however, that sometimes....ok, lots of times...I'm the only one making such a ruckus. 

In fact at one point during the game I turned to Al and said "boy, them Black people sure are quiet!"
(Yes...I know, completely inappropriate!)  Al very quickly turned to me and said "Shh! Please call them the Broken Arrow people!"  But in my defense we were playing the Broken Arrow BLACK team...and since we always refer to the teams by their team color....well, you can see how this kind of thing might happen.  Somehow though...it tends to happen to me more often than most!  Goes right back to my mouth moving before my brain can edit!!

  So...after a while I decided to pay more attention to myself....cause I hardly EVER do that and maybe I should...and I realized that while the other parents will cheer their kid or a good play,  I cheer and yell every play...EVERY play gets some kind of loud vocal emission from me, and if appropriate (and when is it not?!) some jumping and fist pumping!

  Now I still hold, with extreme pride, to the fact that I am NOT the crazy mom/dad yelling mad things at their kid or whacking that dang cow bell....although in the appropriate occasion I do LOVE ME SOME COWBELL!!!

   I did try to restrain myself.  I would go for a few plays....but...well it wasn't long before I'd forget I was supposed to be controlling myself and find myself on my feet whooping it up!  I don't think I can help it...its like some kind of sporting event Tourrete Syndrome.
 
The more  I think about it, the more I thank God that neither of my girls has ever been into the "fancy" girl activities....they're into soccer and competitive dance/cheer...which totally allow for my demented cheering and hollering!

Can you imagine the sheer lunacy of the situation if either of them were into ballet...I can't really see a point  during that kind of performance where it would be ok for me to jump up yelling WOOOOO!!! GO RACHEL!!!! or GET 'EM ANGIE!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!! ...and I suppose a quick "TAKE HER DOOOOOWN!!!" would never fly!! 

I mean....I'm sure ballet is great and all, but its not like I can ever say  "Hey! you gonna let that little girl in the yellow tutu play you like that? you go out there and toe point her butt off that stage!!  Yeah...I'm not really a very passive audience.  I'm sure I'd be back stage during intermission telling my girl "If she stands in front of you again and blocks you, you trip her!"

Yeah...I'm just not a mom made for the finer arts!

Its the least I can do....

So I'm standing at the check out line at the local Walmart (got my fingers crossed hoping for no lead or other assorted poisons in my Chinese made goods!) when I hear these two lovely girls...in their early 20's... in line behind me in a deep, serious discussion.  They are earnestly talking about the serious decline in fresh water worldwide. 

I know...what a thing to talk about at a Walmart checkout line!  I mean I can see this discussion happening under the thought-provoking lighting at Starbucks while you cradle a cup made of recycled stuff and filled with some kind of fancy tea in your hand...but at Walmart?? What is this world coming to!!!

Anyway...I, very subtly, continue to eavesdrop on what they are saying.  Apparently they are very smart and are sharing what, to my clandestinely perked-up ears, sound like very solid facts about the lack of fresh water in most of the continents and how this is drastically affecting people, livestock and agriculture. (Did I mention they sounded VERY smart?)

So at this point I'm just finishing up paying for my stuff and before I can stop it...before my brain engages and says NOOOOOO!!!    My mouth perks right up and says...

"That's just terrible!  If only we could get those dang ice caps to melt a little faster there'd plenty of water!!

Those poor girls just looked at me like I was dragging dead baby polar bears behind my diesel truck! The poor checkout lady practically spit on me she laughed so hard at their expressions.

I figured this would be a good time to walk away so I wished them a nice day and rolled right out of there!!



P.S.  In repentance for my callousness I hereby promise to continue to support projects which supply fresh water to those who lack it.  Here are a couple of those charities, in case you laughed real hard and are feeling guilty....(yeah, you too Walmart checkout lady!)
http://thewaterproject.org/
http://purewaterfortheworld.org/

Enough about you...

To begin with, I think it’s important that I be completely honest with you all…that way it will be much more difficult to shock or disturb you in the future.  I’m going to assume only my very faithful girlfriends are gonna read this…gentlemen, this one might not be for you as I will be discussing periods and childbirth and such. 

OK…now that they are gone,  in a sincere effort to “be transparent” (which always sounds a little spooky to me) and to open the flow of communication between all of us I am going to share all the pertinent tidbit of what makes me me…so you all won’t feel as intimidated by my wonderfulness.  This may well be the only time you will hear me say such things…so pay attention.

I’ll start by saying that I have, what I would consider and average,  healthy-ish self-esteem…so don’t worry about me I KNOW I’m awesome but…

I tend to be magnificently lazy. If there’s a choice…and even if there isn’t…sitting is always my #1 option, followed closely by reclining or lying down.  All of these activities are usually accompanied by a book.  Anything else I do is only because it’s totally more fun or because I have to.

I ONLY work out because I don’t wanna look worse than you!  Yeah…sure I want to be in shape and I don’t want my weight or lack of physical ability to limit the things I want to do and I want to be healthy…but mostly I don’t want to be the frumpy mom at school or the chubby friend in the group.  Those of you who have never been either of those… hold on let me hate you for a minute…ok, you wouldn’t understand.  But I know most of you who have, completely get it.

I LOVE reading!!  And while I will read important literary works and do enjoy the occasional  non-fiction book…I absolutely love trashy romance books! I know…shocking right?  I’m only sharing this cause most of us won’t readily admit that we read “that type” of book.  We totally want to seem like we only read very important stuff that reflects how amazingly intelligent we are! I am amazingly intelligent...but hey even smart chicks could use a little exciting super black-op hunk/vampire/17th century Duke love affair once in a while!

I am very impatient. I have serious personal space issues…those of you who know me well, know what an awkward hugger I am.  I listen well, (or so I’d like to think) but I’m not a sharer.  I suffer from chronic ADD issues.  You have, maybe, a good 10 minutes of my undivided attention… possibly 15 or 20 if it’s something spectacularly entertaining or important before I start to mentally wonder off.  I’d rather stab myself in the ear than talk on the phone for extended periods of time.

After 14 years I still consider myself an “amateur” parent at best.  50% of the time I have no idea what I’m doing. 30% I’m just winging it, and the rest of the time I think I’ve actually got it! I yell at my kids way more often than I should…but they’re really good at driving me to it! However, raising my kids is the BEST thing I could ever dedicate my life to, even if they do make me crazy sometimes!

I tend to say things that seem ok…but upon later reflection I realize they might have been slightly, and sometimes not so slightly, offensive.  I can’t help it.  I have a rather twisted sense of humor and speak sarcasm fluently.  To this day, after 17 years of marriage, the hubby still has to ask once in a while “are you serious, or kidding around?”  Just a suggestion...if you ever have to wonder whether I'm joking or not, always assume that yes I am.  Cause if I'm mad or trying to be mean...well I can guarantee there will be no doubt!

Now I don't consider these flaws at all, although some of you might.  I just see these "personality quirks" as signposts...places where my personality still has a road to travel!

So that’s most of me in a nut shell…I’m only telling you this cause I feel it’s only fair to warn you that you might not feel all warm and fuzzy after reading everything I write.  I hope you paid attention because you will probably never hear me say these things again. Next time you see me I will undoubtedly pretend to be the perfect, well-coiffed, well-read, intelligent woman and perfect parent, wife and friend you’ve come to know.