Enough about you...

To begin with, I think it’s important that I be completely honest with you all…that way it will be much more difficult to shock or disturb you in the future.  I’m going to assume only my very faithful girlfriends are gonna read this…gentlemen, this one might not be for you as I will be discussing periods and childbirth and such. 

OK…now that they are gone,  in a sincere effort to “be transparent” (which always sounds a little spooky to me) and to open the flow of communication between all of us I am going to share all the pertinent tidbit of what makes me me…so you all won’t feel as intimidated by my wonderfulness.  This may well be the only time you will hear me say such things…so pay attention.

I’ll start by saying that I have, what I would consider and average,  healthy-ish self-esteem…so don’t worry about me I KNOW I’m awesome but…

I tend to be magnificently lazy. If there’s a choice…and even if there isn’t…sitting is always my #1 option, followed closely by reclining or lying down.  All of these activities are usually accompanied by a book.  Anything else I do is only because it’s totally more fun or because I have to.

I ONLY work out because I don’t wanna look worse than you!  Yeah…sure I want to be in shape and I don’t want my weight or lack of physical ability to limit the things I want to do and I want to be healthy…but mostly I don’t want to be the frumpy mom at school or the chubby friend in the group.  Those of you who have never been either of those… hold on let me hate you for a minute…ok, you wouldn’t understand.  But I know most of you who have, completely get it.

I LOVE reading!!  And while I will read important literary works and do enjoy the occasional  non-fiction book…I absolutely love trashy romance books! I know…shocking right?  I’m only sharing this cause most of us won’t readily admit that we read “that type” of book.  We totally want to seem like we only read very important stuff that reflects how amazingly intelligent we are! I am amazingly intelligent...but hey even smart chicks could use a little exciting super black-op hunk/vampire/17th century Duke love affair once in a while!

I am very impatient. I have serious personal space issues…those of you who know me well, know what an awkward hugger I am.  I listen well, (or so I’d like to think) but I’m not a sharer.  I suffer from chronic ADD issues.  You have, maybe, a good 10 minutes of my undivided attention… possibly 15 or 20 if it’s something spectacularly entertaining or important before I start to mentally wonder off.  I’d rather stab myself in the ear than talk on the phone for extended periods of time.

After 14 years I still consider myself an “amateur” parent at best.  50% of the time I have no idea what I’m doing. 30% I’m just winging it, and the rest of the time I think I’ve actually got it! I yell at my kids way more often than I should…but they’re really good at driving me to it! However, raising my kids is the BEST thing I could ever dedicate my life to, even if they do make me crazy sometimes!

I tend to say things that seem ok…but upon later reflection I realize they might have been slightly, and sometimes not so slightly, offensive.  I can’t help it.  I have a rather twisted sense of humor and speak sarcasm fluently.  To this day, after 17 years of marriage, the hubby still has to ask once in a while “are you serious, or kidding around?”  Just a suggestion...if you ever have to wonder whether I'm joking or not, always assume that yes I am.  Cause if I'm mad or trying to be mean...well I can guarantee there will be no doubt!

Now I don't consider these flaws at all, although some of you might.  I just see these "personality quirks" as signposts...places where my personality still has a road to travel!

So that’s most of me in a nut shell…I’m only telling you this cause I feel it’s only fair to warn you that you might not feel all warm and fuzzy after reading everything I write.  I hope you paid attention because you will probably never hear me say these things again. Next time you see me I will undoubtedly pretend to be the perfect, well-coiffed, well-read, intelligent woman and perfect parent, wife and friend you’ve come to know.