I LOVE me some Halloween!

I just love Halloween!  I mean its the only time of the year I can color my face green put on a hat and if I act like a witch...well I'm in character! What did you expect?!!!

I'm glad I can start exercising some again tomorrow...I've eaten enough kitkats to feed AT LEAST 15-20 small children.  And I'm not talking a small snack either...my kitkat consumption would definitely equal an full meal!!

Enjoy this most unhealthy of all holidays!!!
Happy Halloween!!!

To all those who know and love me and whom I know and love, I humbly apologize for not being a 100%, all-in, sold out to you friend. But I'M ALL IN NOW!!!

I've always known I'm not THE bestest friend a person could ask for.  I'm completely socially-inept, rather self-involved and would rather be home with a good book or watching some sporting event or another than with other people.  That's just my personality...its who I am...its how I'm made!

Ok not...its what's comfortable.  So church today was a little hard to sit through.  I mean I sure don't want to sit there and learn I've chosen to be a sucky friend.

But there's the truth...I have always chosen to not ever be 100% invested in any friendship.  Its not like if you call me with a problem I'm gonna say..."sorry The Duke in this book is about to rescue the beautiful, yet rebellious young Lady from being eaten by Zombies, I really gotta go!" I mean I will listen and help if I can and be supportive and all...but that's where I'm done.  Even if I have something completely relevant in my life to share...I probably wont.  I mean...its not like you wanna hear my mess! After all...you called me to talk about your problem!  And well...I'm kind of a private person, I'm not just gonna tell you all my business! Geez!!

So...now I hear God wants me to be 100% in...like I gotta put my stuff in the pile too. 
All of it?  I mean...ALL of it?   cause I got stuff...my stuff's got stuff....this might be a loooong conversation! Should I put it in alphabetical order?  By order of level of destruction?  By order of most to least police involvement?  Or maybe just I should start off slow so as not to scare you off....

Which brings me to the second half of my dilemma...apparently I also have to be willing to allow my friends to, not only be my cheerleaders, but also be willing to let them point out when I'm strutting my stupid!!

If a friendship is totally comfortable, if your friend never challenges you, questions you, reprimands you and occasionally smacks you in the back of the head...well that's not really a 100% friendship. 

So my friends, now that I've turned over this new leaf and I'm going all-in, (I am you friend whether you want me or not) AND  since I happen to allow my stupid to strut around rather often...usually in high heels and a sassy hat so it gets lots of attention...

I'm sure we'll have lots to talk about!!

This morning, once again, found me yelling myself hoarse during Dave's football game.  It really doesn't matter if we're up or down, offense or defense...heck it really doesn't even matter if my kid's on the field...I will holler like a loon for other people's kids!   I have come to notice  however, that sometimes....ok, lots of times...I'm the only one making such a ruckus. 

In fact at one point during the game I turned to Al and said "boy, them Black people sure are quiet!"
(Yes...I know, completely inappropriate!)  Al very quickly turned to me and said "Shh! Please call them the Broken Arrow people!"  But in my defense we were playing the Broken Arrow BLACK team...and since we always refer to the teams by their team color....well, you can see how this kind of thing might happen.  Somehow though...it tends to happen to me more often than most!  Goes right back to my mouth moving before my brain can edit!!

  So...after a while I decided to pay more attention to myself....cause I hardly EVER do that and maybe I should...and I realized that while the other parents will cheer their kid or a good play,  I cheer and yell every play...EVERY play gets some kind of loud vocal emission from me, and if appropriate (and when is it not?!) some jumping and fist pumping!

  Now I still hold, with extreme pride, to the fact that I am NOT the crazy mom/dad yelling mad things at their kid or whacking that dang cow bell....although in the appropriate occasion I do LOVE ME SOME COWBELL!!!

   I did try to restrain myself.  I would go for a few plays....but...well it wasn't long before I'd forget I was supposed to be controlling myself and find myself on my feet whooping it up!  I don't think I can help it...its like some kind of sporting event Tourrete Syndrome.
 
The more  I think about it, the more I thank God that neither of my girls has ever been into the "fancy" girl activities....they're into soccer and competitive dance/cheer...which totally allow for my demented cheering and hollering!

Can you imagine the sheer lunacy of the situation if either of them were into ballet...I can't really see a point  during that kind of performance where it would be ok for me to jump up yelling WOOOOO!!! GO RACHEL!!!! or GET 'EM ANGIE!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!! ...and I suppose a quick "TAKE HER DOOOOOWN!!!" would never fly!! 

I mean....I'm sure ballet is great and all, but its not like I can ever say  "Hey! you gonna let that little girl in the yellow tutu play you like that? you go out there and toe point her butt off that stage!!  Yeah...I'm not really a very passive audience.  I'm sure I'd be back stage during intermission telling my girl "If she stands in front of you again and blocks you, you trip her!"

Yeah...I'm just not a mom made for the finer arts!

Its the least I can do....

So I'm standing at the check out line at the local Walmart (got my fingers crossed hoping for no lead or other assorted poisons in my Chinese made goods!) when I hear these two lovely girls...in their early 20's... in line behind me in a deep, serious discussion.  They are earnestly talking about the serious decline in fresh water worldwide. 

I know...what a thing to talk about at a Walmart checkout line!  I mean I can see this discussion happening under the thought-provoking lighting at Starbucks while you cradle a cup made of recycled stuff and filled with some kind of fancy tea in your hand...but at Walmart?? What is this world coming to!!!

Anyway...I, very subtly, continue to eavesdrop on what they are saying.  Apparently they are very smart and are sharing what, to my clandestinely perked-up ears, sound like very solid facts about the lack of fresh water in most of the continents and how this is drastically affecting people, livestock and agriculture. (Did I mention they sounded VERY smart?)

So at this point I'm just finishing up paying for my stuff and before I can stop it...before my brain engages and says NOOOOOO!!!    My mouth perks right up and says...

"That's just terrible!  If only we could get those dang ice caps to melt a little faster there'd plenty of water!!

Those poor girls just looked at me like I was dragging dead baby polar bears behind my diesel truck! The poor checkout lady practically spit on me she laughed so hard at their expressions.

I figured this would be a good time to walk away so I wished them a nice day and rolled right out of there!!



P.S.  In repentance for my callousness I hereby promise to continue to support projects which supply fresh water to those who lack it.  Here are a couple of those charities, in case you laughed real hard and are feeling guilty....(yeah, you too Walmart checkout lady!)
http://thewaterproject.org/
http://purewaterfortheworld.org/

Enough about you...

To begin with, I think it’s important that I be completely honest with you all…that way it will be much more difficult to shock or disturb you in the future.  I’m going to assume only my very faithful girlfriends are gonna read this…gentlemen, this one might not be for you as I will be discussing periods and childbirth and such. 

OK…now that they are gone,  in a sincere effort to “be transparent” (which always sounds a little spooky to me) and to open the flow of communication between all of us I am going to share all the pertinent tidbit of what makes me me…so you all won’t feel as intimidated by my wonderfulness.  This may well be the only time you will hear me say such things…so pay attention.

I’ll start by saying that I have, what I would consider and average,  healthy-ish self-esteem…so don’t worry about me I KNOW I’m awesome but…

I tend to be magnificently lazy. If there’s a choice…and even if there isn’t…sitting is always my #1 option, followed closely by reclining or lying down.  All of these activities are usually accompanied by a book.  Anything else I do is only because it’s totally more fun or because I have to.

I ONLY work out because I don’t wanna look worse than you!  Yeah…sure I want to be in shape and I don’t want my weight or lack of physical ability to limit the things I want to do and I want to be healthy…but mostly I don’t want to be the frumpy mom at school or the chubby friend in the group.  Those of you who have never been either of those… hold on let me hate you for a minute…ok, you wouldn’t understand.  But I know most of you who have, completely get it.

I LOVE reading!!  And while I will read important literary works and do enjoy the occasional  non-fiction book…I absolutely love trashy romance books! I know…shocking right?  I’m only sharing this cause most of us won’t readily admit that we read “that type” of book.  We totally want to seem like we only read very important stuff that reflects how amazingly intelligent we are! I am amazingly intelligent...but hey even smart chicks could use a little exciting super black-op hunk/vampire/17th century Duke love affair once in a while!

I am very impatient. I have serious personal space issues…those of you who know me well, know what an awkward hugger I am.  I listen well, (or so I’d like to think) but I’m not a sharer.  I suffer from chronic ADD issues.  You have, maybe, a good 10 minutes of my undivided attention… possibly 15 or 20 if it’s something spectacularly entertaining or important before I start to mentally wonder off.  I’d rather stab myself in the ear than talk on the phone for extended periods of time.

After 14 years I still consider myself an “amateur” parent at best.  50% of the time I have no idea what I’m doing. 30% I’m just winging it, and the rest of the time I think I’ve actually got it! I yell at my kids way more often than I should…but they’re really good at driving me to it! However, raising my kids is the BEST thing I could ever dedicate my life to, even if they do make me crazy sometimes!

I tend to say things that seem ok…but upon later reflection I realize they might have been slightly, and sometimes not so slightly, offensive.  I can’t help it.  I have a rather twisted sense of humor and speak sarcasm fluently.  To this day, after 17 years of marriage, the hubby still has to ask once in a while “are you serious, or kidding around?”  Just a suggestion...if you ever have to wonder whether I'm joking or not, always assume that yes I am.  Cause if I'm mad or trying to be mean...well I can guarantee there will be no doubt!

Now I don't consider these flaws at all, although some of you might.  I just see these "personality quirks" as signposts...places where my personality still has a road to travel!

So that’s most of me in a nut shell…I’m only telling you this cause I feel it’s only fair to warn you that you might not feel all warm and fuzzy after reading everything I write.  I hope you paid attention because you will probably never hear me say these things again. Next time you see me I will undoubtedly pretend to be the perfect, well-coiffed, well-read, intelligent woman and perfect parent, wife and friend you’ve come to know.