Stripped

I really think most of us have been here.  If you haven't, congratulations and prepare yourself...cause you will...one day.  And whether it's been years, months, days or hours, there's a reason we have that lovely "light at the end of the tunnel" saying...  There absolutely is light and love and perfection in death...especially in the death of our "selves" when we turn our mess over to God.


I hate it. I hate all of it!
The feeling that everything that could have been is gone.  The feeling that everything you've worked for, believed in, trusted in, planned around - gone.
Tossed away   disappeared   just because.
I can't see a good reason for it.  I can't understand what good can possibly come from it. 
I hate it!

So what can I do?  What can I do but yell and cry and throw a few things?  What can I do but rage and cuss and moan?  What can I do but weep and feel lost and fall to my knees...press my forehead to the floor in despair...and do it all over again...and again...

But now...now I yell and cry and rage and weep and fall before You.  And You hear it.  You see it.  You feel it with me.  And I feel You.

It could have been hours or days or months...forehead and knees pressed to the floor.  Angry words, sad words, wordless moans falling at Your feet.   
But You never left me.  You emptied me of it all, collected every feeling and word and thought so nothing was left to poison me.  Until the only thing left was You and me...but mostly You.

And I love it.  I love all of it!
The feeling of everything You've been and will always be.  The feeling of everything You've worked in me, believed in me, entrusted to me, planned around me - here  living  breathing  growing   Just because You love me!
I don't need to find a good reason for it.  I don't need to understand what good will come of it...I just KNOW it will!

Because the only thing left is You!