So my brother-in-law is visiting for a few days. Its wonderful to see him since we haven't been back to California in a couple of years.
I know people say this all the time but really...MAN the years go by fast!! If you'd asked me 8 years ago how long I'd be living here in Tulsa, my answer was a very clear "Not real long!" Absolutely nothing in me wanted to leave California and move out to Oklahoma where, as everyone from California knows, there's nothing but farms and cows and tornados.
Now there's absolutely nothing that would make me move back to California. I suppose its all a matter of perspective...you like what you know!
Heck...I've even started giving some thought to getting me one of them farms!
Every year I try to expand my horizons a little. For the last couple of years I've grown veggies in my back yard...my own little organic farm. I've got my little compost bin up and running...and NO its not smelly, in case you were wondering!
This year I desperately wanted to start my own little beehive so I could make my own honey....well ok, so my bees could make me some honey. But Al vetoed that idea. Apparently he didn't feel that having a beehive outside our house in the yard where the kids and dogs play all day was a good idea!! I'm still hopeful I can talk him into it though.
So I'm thinking it would be nice to have a small farm...a couple hundred acres where I can really grow some veggies, maybe have a couple of horses, a cow, some chickens...maybe a goat. Doesn't that sound neat?!!
I could ride around on my horse and do farm stuff!
Ok...so I'm not real sure what farm stuff is, but I do so love the show "The Fabulous Beekman Boys" and its totally educational! So if they can do it...surely I can!
Now...the cow would really just wonder around and do cow stuff cause I'm sure not gonna milk it or anything. So it really would just be there for decorative purposes...you know farm-like...and to provide the organic fertilizer for my organic veggies! The Als can do that job they're both pretty good at spreading that kinda stuff around!! :)
The goats...well I'm not really sure what goats do, they're farm job is a mystery to me...but with a couple of hundred acres, mama will need some help mowing the grass!! And if I can get them fainting goats...that right there is HOURS of free entertainment...so they'll totally earn their hay!!
Chickens scare me a little...cause they're a little nuts, you never know when they're gonna loose their minds and attack you with their evil little beaks and tiny claws. But I think I can take them! And think of the fun I can have "supervising" when I send the kids out to get the eggs....crazy flapping chickens, screaming children...that's where magic happens people! Although knowing Angie...she'll sweet talk them chickens and have them sitting quietly while she puts sassy nail polish and their tiny claws! And if that doesn't work Rachel can wrestle them chickens into submission!!
I'm gonna have to seriously research this farm business...
I did say I needed to find a new challenge... YEEHAW!!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I'm cool! no...really, I am!
Can I admit to you that I find the teenagers somewhat intimidating?
I know...Its ridiculous!! But I can't seem to help it!
Maybe its cause I was a little nerdy in my own teenage years. I mean I wasn't completely crazy nerdy...but well I wasn't exactly a social leader among my female counterparts and boys certainly weren't lining up for a date with me!!
I know...they were just awed by my awesomeness!!
But I digress...
Somewhere in me this sad little nerdy chick is still a little overwhelmed when faced with the "cool kids".
Sure I'm 36 and can totally take them down...not that I will, cause people keep telling me its apparently illegal...and I'm a successful grownup and all...so how lame am I that I still want them to think I'm cool?
I KNOW! I KNOW...I'm a middle-aged mom of 4, not exactly what a teenager considers cool...but well I at least don't want them to think "UGHHHH!!" when I'm around.
Now don't think I'm running around trying to "act cool"...cause how pathetic is that! I'm just seriously uncomfortable when surrounded by them. I'm really trying to overcome this utter wrongness, so I volunteer at the kids' youth group...hoping maybe a little complete immersion therapy will help! But even then, I tend to just try to melt into the background...you know stealth like.
This whole post is just making me mad! What the heck is wrong with me!! Sheesh!!
God!! maybe I do need some therapy...
Then again I'd probably be too embarrassed to admit any of this to a therapist....so I guess it'll be our secret!
I know...Its ridiculous!! But I can't seem to help it!
Maybe its cause I was a little nerdy in my own teenage years. I mean I wasn't completely crazy nerdy...but well I wasn't exactly a social leader among my female counterparts and boys certainly weren't lining up for a date with me!!
I know...they were just awed by my awesomeness!!
But I digress...
Somewhere in me this sad little nerdy chick is still a little overwhelmed when faced with the "cool kids".
Sure I'm 36 and can totally take them down...not that I will, cause people keep telling me its apparently illegal...and I'm a successful grownup and all...so how lame am I that I still want them to think I'm cool?
I KNOW! I KNOW...I'm a middle-aged mom of 4, not exactly what a teenager considers cool...but well I at least don't want them to think "UGHHHH!!" when I'm around.
Now don't think I'm running around trying to "act cool"...cause how pathetic is that! I'm just seriously uncomfortable when surrounded by them. I'm really trying to overcome this utter wrongness, so I volunteer at the kids' youth group...hoping maybe a little complete immersion therapy will help! But even then, I tend to just try to melt into the background...you know stealth like.
This whole post is just making me mad! What the heck is wrong with me!! Sheesh!!
God!! maybe I do need some therapy...
Then again I'd probably be too embarrassed to admit any of this to a therapist....so I guess it'll be our secret!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
How is it after all these years of being free and strong you look around and find you've been stuck in the same web. Too stuck to know you've been there for so long. Where does this power come from?
Is it love, selfish love, that binds so tightly there's no room for anything else. That consumes so much there's nothing left?
Is it the quiet words and sighs that wrap guilt around every moment? That make one feel powerless and useless. Forever striving and working and paying, trying to please the one that quietly quietly breaks them?
Is it in the fear of a loud voice or in the punishing silence that declares you're not worth it?
Is it in the insecurity of being told you're almost good enough. If only you'd tried harder. In words that make one curl up and stop trying or words that push one to work so hard their life is wasted, tirelessly spinning in a wheel that goes nowhere?
Is it in how closely they hold you? So tightly you become part of them and lose yourself.
Is it in the complete freedom they give you? You fly so free, never feeling the security of their bond, until you're lost. Until there's so many pieces of you in so many places you'll never feel whole.
Where does this power come from?
How can someone's life be so carefully and completely controlled by another? Why are their words so important that they affect every corner of your life? Why are their needs so much more essential than yours? How can their words strip you of who you know you are and make you into someone else? Why can't you be good enough? Why is it your fault? Why will you never be good enough?
Am I stuck there? Have I not realized it yet? Am I so wrapped up that I can't even see it?
Worse yet...have I done this to someone else? Have I bound someone and just not realized it?
Is it love, selfish love, that binds so tightly there's no room for anything else. That consumes so much there's nothing left?
Is it the quiet words and sighs that wrap guilt around every moment? That make one feel powerless and useless. Forever striving and working and paying, trying to please the one that quietly quietly breaks them?
Is it in the fear of a loud voice or in the punishing silence that declares you're not worth it?
Is it in the insecurity of being told you're almost good enough. If only you'd tried harder. In words that make one curl up and stop trying or words that push one to work so hard their life is wasted, tirelessly spinning in a wheel that goes nowhere?
Is it in how closely they hold you? So tightly you become part of them and lose yourself.
Is it in the complete freedom they give you? You fly so free, never feeling the security of their bond, until you're lost. Until there's so many pieces of you in so many places you'll never feel whole.
Where does this power come from?
How can someone's life be so carefully and completely controlled by another? Why are their words so important that they affect every corner of your life? Why are their needs so much more essential than yours? How can their words strip you of who you know you are and make you into someone else? Why can't you be good enough? Why is it your fault? Why will you never be good enough?
Am I stuck there? Have I not realized it yet? Am I so wrapped up that I can't even see it?
Worse yet...have I done this to someone else? Have I bound someone and just not realized it?
Monday, November 8, 2010
but..but...but...
The last few months have been a great time of learning around our house.
We've realized that as parents learning never stops...ever! Just when you think you've got it figured out...someone catches something on fire, someone's missing a chunk of hair, something important is broken, lost or damaged, good grades become mediocre grades which then become bad grades....it just never ends!
So we decided we'd better figure it out darn quick....or at least sort of, kind of figure it out even a little!!
One of the recurrent themes around our house has always been the great 'BUT'. If there's one thing my kids excel at, its coming up with a great excuse for whatever situation they find themselves in. Which OF COURSE drives me nuts!! You'll find me yelling several times a day "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR AN EXCUSE! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST DO IT!"
However, oddly enough...I'm also always asking them "Why would you do that?" or "why aren't you doing what you're supposed to be doing?" or the ALWAYS popular around my house "WHY ARE YOU HITTING HIM/HER??!"
Which really just opens the door for their ever-ready excuse. I'm literally asking them to give me an excuse!!
So no more WHY's!! I just make sure they know what's expected of them and that's it...there's no excuses. The reason WHY you didn't do what you're supposed to isn't really important. Cause if you break the law, a judge isn't really gonna care why you broke it...he's just gonna hand you your consequence and move on to the next guy right?
And that's what we're trying to do with the kids...and I think its working...I hope!
BUT...well, when it come to excuses, I got a few myself.
I know I should do this or that, but...
If I gain weight...obviously, its cause I have a slow metabolism. Its genetic you know. I can't really do anything about it!
If I don't workout...well, if you had 4 children to clean after, cook for, drive around...not to mention the piles of laundry they leave around...you'd be too tired too. Plus, I'm not sleeping real well. And I just don't have enough hours in the day!
If I overdraft our checking account (sorry babe!)...I just forgot about that one check. And hey, you use your debit card all over the place too. I've just been too busy to balance the checkbook!!
Then there's the random ones that you can use in multiple situations; I've been sick, I didn't get your message in time, I'm on my period, I don't know what that smell is....
I've got them all...and use them quite frequently. So maybe I need to give myself the '"Why" doesn't matter!' rule. I just gotta do what I KNOW I'm supposed to be doing!! Nothing less than that is acceptable. Excuses are just the words that cover up a failure...
My new motto will be:
"The BUT wont get rid of the BUTT!!!"
We've realized that as parents learning never stops...ever! Just when you think you've got it figured out...someone catches something on fire, someone's missing a chunk of hair, something important is broken, lost or damaged, good grades become mediocre grades which then become bad grades....it just never ends!
So we decided we'd better figure it out darn quick....or at least sort of, kind of figure it out even a little!!
One of the recurrent themes around our house has always been the great 'BUT'. If there's one thing my kids excel at, its coming up with a great excuse for whatever situation they find themselves in. Which OF COURSE drives me nuts!! You'll find me yelling several times a day "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR AN EXCUSE! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST DO IT!"
However, oddly enough...I'm also always asking them "Why would you do that?" or "why aren't you doing what you're supposed to be doing?" or the ALWAYS popular around my house "WHY ARE YOU HITTING HIM/HER??!"
Which really just opens the door for their ever-ready excuse. I'm literally asking them to give me an excuse!!
So no more WHY's!! I just make sure they know what's expected of them and that's it...there's no excuses. The reason WHY you didn't do what you're supposed to isn't really important. Cause if you break the law, a judge isn't really gonna care why you broke it...he's just gonna hand you your consequence and move on to the next guy right?
And that's what we're trying to do with the kids...and I think its working...I hope!
BUT...well, when it come to excuses, I got a few myself.
I know I should do this or that, but...
If I gain weight...obviously, its cause I have a slow metabolism. Its genetic you know. I can't really do anything about it!
If I don't workout...well, if you had 4 children to clean after, cook for, drive around...not to mention the piles of laundry they leave around...you'd be too tired too. Plus, I'm not sleeping real well. And I just don't have enough hours in the day!
If I overdraft our checking account (sorry babe!)...I just forgot about that one check. And hey, you use your debit card all over the place too. I've just been too busy to balance the checkbook!!
Then there's the random ones that you can use in multiple situations; I've been sick, I didn't get your message in time, I'm on my period, I don't know what that smell is....
I've got them all...and use them quite frequently. So maybe I need to give myself the '"Why" doesn't matter!' rule. I just gotta do what I KNOW I'm supposed to be doing!! Nothing less than that is acceptable. Excuses are just the words that cover up a failure...
My new motto will be:
"The BUT wont get rid of the BUTT!!!"
Friday, November 5, 2010
blah blah blah
ahhhh...my friends its been a loooong week.
Which is weird cause its been less busy than usual! I guess starting the week off on a candy binge didn't help any!
I'm kind of in a funk I guess...not feeling very motivated, energized or interested really.
I think I need a new challenge
... based on my Facebook activity, yesterday, I guess, was a "see how many people you can tick off in one day" challenge! :) And apparently...I have incredible skills in that area! If there were some way to earn money with those skills...I'd be rolling in it! Which would probably just lead me to more trouble...so I guess its a good thing I haven't found that job yet!!
SOOO...new new challenge (before someone beats me up!)
lets review my manifold skills and abilities....
I will review them quietly in my head so I don't make you all feel so bad...
OK....anything that doesn't involve public speaking, folding laundry or math in any of its formats is a go!!
Maybe its time for me to go back to school for something. I have a whole list of things I want to learn! Sure most of them are not really "career choices"...I don't think Oklahoma has much of a demand for scuba divers.
I totally wanna be a pastry chef! But I already don't make the best eating decisions...and knowing how to whip up fantastic desserts probably wouldn't help me there.
I've always wanted to be an archaeologist...but I don't like getting dirty much and have a short attention span. So I'd get fired real quick when I got tired of brushing the bone of whatever with the tiny paintbrush and busted out the leaf blower!
HEY....If I become a professional scuba diver I can then become a professional sunken treasure hunter...THAT would be awesome!!
But I don't think its realistic now...maybe when the kids are grown-up...
OK...maybe I just need to get around to writing my first book now. Its literally in the top 3 of my life's to do list. I just don't handle rejection well. I mean, I wont go after you with a bat or anything...maybe...but it will surely ruin my week! I'm such a chicken!! Its pathetic!
hmmmm...notice a pattern here? Whole bunch of ideas...even bigger bunch of BUTs!
UGGHHHH....lets not talk about big butts. Now there's a challenge!!! :)
I've gotta really sit down and make a list of goals...short and long term. Although, for me, long term is probably only a few months out tops...otherwise I'd forget what I was supposed to be doing for sure!
First goal for today...time to get back on the evil treadmill! My week of recovery is now over...I gave myself an extra day just to be on the safe side :)...but IF (notice its a big if) I'm gonna do the El Paso marathon in March...I'd better get cracking.
Second goal for today...try not to piss anyone off! That's gonna be a hard one!!! :)
Which is weird cause its been less busy than usual! I guess starting the week off on a candy binge didn't help any!
I'm kind of in a funk I guess...not feeling very motivated, energized or interested really.
I think I need a new challenge
... based on my Facebook activity, yesterday, I guess, was a "see how many people you can tick off in one day" challenge! :) And apparently...I have incredible skills in that area! If there were some way to earn money with those skills...I'd be rolling in it! Which would probably just lead me to more trouble...so I guess its a good thing I haven't found that job yet!!
SOOO...new new challenge (before someone beats me up!)
lets review my manifold skills and abilities....
I will review them quietly in my head so I don't make you all feel so bad...
OK....anything that doesn't involve public speaking, folding laundry or math in any of its formats is a go!!
Maybe its time for me to go back to school for something. I have a whole list of things I want to learn! Sure most of them are not really "career choices"...I don't think Oklahoma has much of a demand for scuba divers.
I totally wanna be a pastry chef! But I already don't make the best eating decisions...and knowing how to whip up fantastic desserts probably wouldn't help me there.
I've always wanted to be an archaeologist...but I don't like getting dirty much and have a short attention span. So I'd get fired real quick when I got tired of brushing the bone of whatever with the tiny paintbrush and busted out the leaf blower!
HEY....If I become a professional scuba diver I can then become a professional sunken treasure hunter...THAT would be awesome!!
But I don't think its realistic now...maybe when the kids are grown-up...
OK...maybe I just need to get around to writing my first book now. Its literally in the top 3 of my life's to do list. I just don't handle rejection well. I mean, I wont go after you with a bat or anything...maybe...but it will surely ruin my week! I'm such a chicken!! Its pathetic!
hmmmm...notice a pattern here? Whole bunch of ideas...even bigger bunch of BUTs!
UGGHHHH....lets not talk about big butts. Now there's a challenge!!! :)
I've gotta really sit down and make a list of goals...short and long term. Although, for me, long term is probably only a few months out tops...otherwise I'd forget what I was supposed to be doing for sure!
First goal for today...time to get back on the evil treadmill! My week of recovery is now over...I gave myself an extra day just to be on the safe side :)...but IF (notice its a big if) I'm gonna do the El Paso marathon in March...I'd better get cracking.
Second goal for today...try not to piss anyone off! That's gonna be a hard one!!! :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Surprise!!!!
Had an absolutely fantastic date with Al last night!!
Flowers and chocolate? NOPE
Romantic dinner and candlelight? you ask...NOPE
Some quiet smooching on the couch? NOPE...nosey!
Al and I had the MOST fantastic time last night covering the front lawn of some friends of ours in campaign signs. Signs of all different colors, sizes and probably political sides since I didn't really look to see who they were!! It was like a beautiful Election time wonderland!!!
There we were...at 10:30 at night, sneaking around outside their house in our stealthy dark clothing, giggling like idiots as we put up sign after sign after sign on their lawn...with a lovely note that read:
Don't forget to vote! Love, Al and Gina.
Oh it was magic!! We giggled like little kids all the way there and all the way back!!
I'm sure our friends got a good laugh from it too...as well they should since this was payback from the toilet they left in our front yard a couple of months back!!
But the best part, the very BEST part was how much fun WE had just doing something silly and completely out of our norm!
I know...you'd figure Al and I would do this kinda stuff all the time...since we are a little off the wall. But we don't. At least we DIDN'T....
We had such a good time that we've decided to make this a new family tradition!!
Don't worry folks...we wont go with the typical (and hard to clean up) toilet paper or the evil eggs! We're gonna find new and inventive ways of leaving wonderful little surprises for all our friends (within a reasonable driving distance!) all over their yards!!
My thought is...if you can't remove my surprise in less than 10 minutes because you're laughing too hard to go faster, I did a good job! And since I am an overachiever...sometimes...well, I'm gonna try real hard!
Who needs marriage counseling when you can prank your friends and neighbors together!!!
OH THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!!!
P.S In case "The Man" is monitoring me...all signs were legally removed from un-authorized areas in my housing addition so there's no need to come arrest me!! :)
Flowers and chocolate? NOPE
Romantic dinner and candlelight? you ask...NOPE
Some quiet smooching on the couch? NOPE...nosey!
Al and I had the MOST fantastic time last night covering the front lawn of some friends of ours in campaign signs. Signs of all different colors, sizes and probably political sides since I didn't really look to see who they were!! It was like a beautiful Election time wonderland!!!
There we were...at 10:30 at night, sneaking around outside their house in our stealthy dark clothing, giggling like idiots as we put up sign after sign after sign on their lawn...with a lovely note that read:
Don't forget to vote! Love, Al and Gina.
Oh it was magic!! We giggled like little kids all the way there and all the way back!!
I'm sure our friends got a good laugh from it too...as well they should since this was payback from the toilet they left in our front yard a couple of months back!!
But the best part, the very BEST part was how much fun WE had just doing something silly and completely out of our norm!
I know...you'd figure Al and I would do this kinda stuff all the time...since we are a little off the wall. But we don't. At least we DIDN'T....
We had such a good time that we've decided to make this a new family tradition!!
Don't worry folks...we wont go with the typical (and hard to clean up) toilet paper or the evil eggs! We're gonna find new and inventive ways of leaving wonderful little surprises for all our friends (within a reasonable driving distance!) all over their yards!!
My thought is...if you can't remove my surprise in less than 10 minutes because you're laughing too hard to go faster, I did a good job! And since I am an overachiever...sometimes...well, I'm gonna try real hard!
Who needs marriage counseling when you can prank your friends and neighbors together!!!
OH THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!!!
P.S In case "The Man" is monitoring me...all signs were legally removed from un-authorized areas in my housing addition so there's no need to come arrest me!! :)
Monday, November 1, 2010
yikes!!
You know that one friend?...the one who's lost some weight and suddenly thinks she's ready for the runway?
Come on....you all know one....girl loses ten pounds and suddenly she's wearing clothes that are a little too tight and perhaps a few years too young for her?
I mean you just wanna say....."girl, there should NOT be a bump (or four) there!" or "HEY! you've had a few kids...club wear is not for you!!! And CERTAINLY NOT AT CHURCH!!!!" ;0
Yeah...you know what I'm sayin!!
Well... I was downloading some pictures from our camera this morning...girls...I think I might be this friend!!!
Which really ticks me off! Cause DANG girls...how come none of you said anything!!!
I mean, I know I can be a little scary at times....but its not like I've actually hit any of you!!....
ummm...well...its not like I've actually hit any of you REALLY HARD!!!
So to avoid this happening AGAIN I've developed a very subtle...yet effective...method to notify me when I'm lookin a little whack: (and if we can get other friends on board...this could really change our lives!!)
Should I AT ANY POINT look like I'm wearing something a couple...or a few...sizes two small for me, all you have to do is look at me and say "Five" or "Ten" or "15"...however many pounds you think I gotta lose before I can successfully carry off the outfit. (however...if its 15 or more, feel free to drag me to the nearest bathroom and smack me, cause that's just wrong!)
Same goes for any outfit that you consider past its "use by" date....just give me a year...you know like "1998", "2000", "2005"... you know whenever you think it MIGHT have been appropriate for me to wear this outfit! (as before...if you ever have to say anything prior to 1990...and its not a costume party...drag me to the nearest bathroom and smack me!)
This would really help me...cause there is no excuse for you all letting me open my picture folder and yelling "WHAT IN THE HE..." at my computer!!! There just aren't enough editing tools on Photoshop!!!
I HEREBY FAITHFULLY PROMISE TO NOT SMACK YOU BACK...HARD!!
Come on....you all know one....girl loses ten pounds and suddenly she's wearing clothes that are a little too tight and perhaps a few years too young for her?
I mean you just wanna say....."girl, there should NOT be a bump (or four) there!" or "HEY! you've had a few kids...club wear is not for you!!! And CERTAINLY NOT AT CHURCH!!!!" ;0
Yeah...you know what I'm sayin!!
Well... I was downloading some pictures from our camera this morning...girls...I think I might be this friend!!!
Which really ticks me off! Cause DANG girls...how come none of you said anything!!!
I mean, I know I can be a little scary at times....but its not like I've actually hit any of you!!....
ummm...well...its not like I've actually hit any of you REALLY HARD!!!
So to avoid this happening AGAIN I've developed a very subtle...yet effective...method to notify me when I'm lookin a little whack: (and if we can get other friends on board...this could really change our lives!!)
Should I AT ANY POINT look like I'm wearing something a couple...or a few...sizes two small for me, all you have to do is look at me and say "Five" or "Ten" or "15"...however many pounds you think I gotta lose before I can successfully carry off the outfit. (however...if its 15 or more, feel free to drag me to the nearest bathroom and smack me, cause that's just wrong!)
Same goes for any outfit that you consider past its "use by" date....just give me a year...you know like "1998", "2000", "2005"... you know whenever you think it MIGHT have been appropriate for me to wear this outfit! (as before...if you ever have to say anything prior to 1990...and its not a costume party...drag me to the nearest bathroom and smack me!)
This would really help me...cause there is no excuse for you all letting me open my picture folder and yelling "WHAT IN THE HE..." at my computer!!! There just aren't enough editing tools on Photoshop!!!
I HEREBY FAITHFULLY PROMISE TO NOT SMACK YOU BACK...HARD!!
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