So...Thanksgiving has come and gone...and with it my desire to eat turkey for another year! I'm not a fan of food that comes attached to bone. Well poultry at least...cause I do love me a good t-bone or pork chop! I have removed all leftovers from the premises and refuse to even consider giblets or turkey breasts for the next 12 months!
I didn't do any shopping...cause I don't like the people. There's just too many of them out there! Worse yet...sometimes they want to talk to you!! So I just stayed home and napped...a lot! It was fabulous! I don't understand this crazy need I seem to have to always be "productive"...or at the very least seem like I'm being "productive"! Like I am somehow being a horrible person if I just lay around once in a while...or once a week! To be honest, that's one of my favorite things about winter...the weather is soo cold/rainy/icy/snowy that really the only thing to do is hang out at home. In my favorite hang-out position...which obviously would be reclining on a soft surface. Especially LOVE Sunday's....cause its THE day of rest AND football happens to be on ALL day!! That's magic!
So...I now find myself two weeks from our trip out west and a holiday which rather requires some gifts...of which I have NONE.
OK...I have one. I've been a good girl so I got myself the Kinect...for fitness purposes of course!
One of the good things about traveling for the holidays is that I have an absolute ironclad excuse for not going to ANY stores. Since I need to ship everything anyway...I just get it all online! And since everyone knows I'm not the most emotionally involved person, well...no one is surprised that all the nieces and nephews get gift cards from us!
So all in all, I'm not to worried about having to do all the Christmas shopping in the next 10 days....
then again...check with me in 8 days!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Why wont my mouth just shut up!
Ever find yourself at the market talking to the meat department guy who's just asked you if you've got your big turkey yet and you find yourself responding, "We don't really like the dark meat, so I just got two big breasts."?
No? That's cause you're not me.
Poor man...you could almost see him thinking "don't look! don't look! don't look!"
I like to think I'm pretty witty. And I am, if it just randomly comes out of my mouth when not in the middle of an actual conversation, I can be sorta funny...or slightly offensive, depending on your general sensitivity. But if you're actually trying to have a conversation with me, suddenly I'm channeling Pee Wee Herman.
There's one moment that will live in infamy inside my own head....
A few years back I went out with a few girlfriends for a girl's night out. We were all looking pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. However, and this happens ALL the time, while the other ladies will get the occasional guy try to start a conversation or buy them a drink...this never happens to me (which I'm good with, cause that kinda creeps me out...and I'm sure Al wouldn't be to thrilled with either!). My cousin told me its cause I give out this "back away slowly" vibe...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not...
ANYHOW...so there we are having a great time, poor sad men walking away from the girls in defeat, and not one has talked to me...until our very cute bartender (who probably felt a little sorry for me and thought he'd make my night) came over to me with my drink and a little bowl of limes and started talking to me. Now I suppose this broke some kind of barrier because before long a nice looking guy sat down next to me said hi and then said I must really like lime in my beer...here it was... a never-before moment... a guy trying to talk to me at a bar... what was my great "bar talk" answer? My "I'm super hot and you're lucky to be talking to me" answer?
"Yup! Limes are good! They keep away the scurvy!"
THE SCURVY!!!!
It was like I'd yelled some foul curse word at the man. The girls all kinda slowly turned to look at me with just a look of horror on their faces. And the guy...well he just smiled...like you would at a crazy person...and said "that's good to know" and walked away. The cute bartender was just cracking up. I caught him looking my way while talking to some of the other workers...so I'm sure the entire staff got a good chuckle out of it!
It happens every time...even the people who know me, every once in a while after I say something spectacular like that, will just smile at me a nod with that look in their eyes that says "Wow! maybe someone dropped her on her head!"
Now this is a kind of Jekyll and Hyde thing for me....
One one hand...well there's very little pressure on me to make witty conversation. My people just don't expect it, so if by some miracle it happens, WOW, everyone's impressed! But if it doesn't...well that's just the way I roll! On the other hand... DARN it I am a well educated, intelligent woman with wonderful thoughts and ideas! WHY wont my mouth cooperate? Its very hard to impress people with how awesome I am when I'm blurting out facts about SCURVY!!!
I don't know...I guess its a very good thing I got married so young and we've managed to stick it out...cause there's NO WAY I'd be a successful "dater"...unless I hung out a pirate conventions, they're always worried about scurvy.
No? That's cause you're not me.
Poor man...you could almost see him thinking "don't look! don't look! don't look!"
I like to think I'm pretty witty. And I am, if it just randomly comes out of my mouth when not in the middle of an actual conversation, I can be sorta funny...or slightly offensive, depending on your general sensitivity. But if you're actually trying to have a conversation with me, suddenly I'm channeling Pee Wee Herman.
There's one moment that will live in infamy inside my own head....
A few years back I went out with a few girlfriends for a girl's night out. We were all looking pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. However, and this happens ALL the time, while the other ladies will get the occasional guy try to start a conversation or buy them a drink...this never happens to me (which I'm good with, cause that kinda creeps me out...and I'm sure Al wouldn't be to thrilled with either!). My cousin told me its cause I give out this "back away slowly" vibe...I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not...
ANYHOW...so there we are having a great time, poor sad men walking away from the girls in defeat, and not one has talked to me...until our very cute bartender (who probably felt a little sorry for me and thought he'd make my night) came over to me with my drink and a little bowl of limes and started talking to me. Now I suppose this broke some kind of barrier because before long a nice looking guy sat down next to me said hi and then said I must really like lime in my beer...here it was... a never-before moment... a guy trying to talk to me at a bar... what was my great "bar talk" answer? My "I'm super hot and you're lucky to be talking to me" answer?
"Yup! Limes are good! They keep away the scurvy!"
THE SCURVY!!!!
It was like I'd yelled some foul curse word at the man. The girls all kinda slowly turned to look at me with just a look of horror on their faces. And the guy...well he just smiled...like you would at a crazy person...and said "that's good to know" and walked away. The cute bartender was just cracking up. I caught him looking my way while talking to some of the other workers...so I'm sure the entire staff got a good chuckle out of it!
It happens every time...even the people who know me, every once in a while after I say something spectacular like that, will just smile at me a nod with that look in their eyes that says "Wow! maybe someone dropped her on her head!"
Now this is a kind of Jekyll and Hyde thing for me....
One one hand...well there's very little pressure on me to make witty conversation. My people just don't expect it, so if by some miracle it happens, WOW, everyone's impressed! But if it doesn't...well that's just the way I roll! On the other hand... DARN it I am a well educated, intelligent woman with wonderful thoughts and ideas! WHY wont my mouth cooperate? Its very hard to impress people with how awesome I am when I'm blurting out facts about SCURVY!!!
I don't know...I guess its a very good thing I got married so young and we've managed to stick it out...cause there's NO WAY I'd be a successful "dater"...unless I hung out a pirate conventions, they're always worried about scurvy.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
As a mom, there's nothing harder than watching your kid make a stupid choice with hard, sad consequences. There's nothing you want to do more than turn back the clock and stop them from doing it. You wish more than anything you could just hug them and fix it all...but you can't.
You have to stand there and be serious and tough and lay out the penalties and negative consequences of their mistake when, really, you love them so much you'll forgive anything and all you want to do is make them feel better.
You have to stand there and tell this child, whom you love more than anything in this world and who could never do anything that would make you love him less, that he's disappointed you, that he's damaged the trust in your relationship and you don't feel you can fully count on him to do what's right at this point.
You have to stand there with your arms at your sides when you'd give anything to be able to wrap him up and just hold him like when he was little, you have to hear the anger and defiance in his voice while looking at him and see that his body language is screaming that he really wants you to do just that, hold him and just make it go away.
But you can't.
Because this is his moment of reality.
This is a turning point for him...continue on this path or choose a new one, and he's gotta walk it.
This is where he starts to build the man he will one day be. And no matter what you want for him, you can't make him want it too. He has to want it. He has to discover his potential, his goals and he has to learn that only he can realize them.
In the end all you can do is stand there, arms and heart open wide for him, giving unquestionable love, without strings or conditions, giving support and advice. But that's all...its everything you've got to give and you pray its enough, but in the end...
All you can do is stand there.
You have to stand there and be serious and tough and lay out the penalties and negative consequences of their mistake when, really, you love them so much you'll forgive anything and all you want to do is make them feel better.
You have to stand there and tell this child, whom you love more than anything in this world and who could never do anything that would make you love him less, that he's disappointed you, that he's damaged the trust in your relationship and you don't feel you can fully count on him to do what's right at this point.
You have to stand there with your arms at your sides when you'd give anything to be able to wrap him up and just hold him like when he was little, you have to hear the anger and defiance in his voice while looking at him and see that his body language is screaming that he really wants you to do just that, hold him and just make it go away.
But you can't.
Because this is his moment of reality.
This is a turning point for him...continue on this path or choose a new one, and he's gotta walk it.
This is where he starts to build the man he will one day be. And no matter what you want for him, you can't make him want it too. He has to want it. He has to discover his potential, his goals and he has to learn that only he can realize them.
In the end all you can do is stand there, arms and heart open wide for him, giving unquestionable love, without strings or conditions, giving support and advice. But that's all...its everything you've got to give and you pray its enough, but in the end...
All you can do is stand there.
Friday, November 19, 2010
guerrilla warfare-its the kids you have to worry about.
I am not a quitter! I will not give up!! I will survive....give me a minute...
ok done singing...
Sometimes in the evening hours I am seriously emotionally challenged. I don't have the ability to handle one more whine, cry or petty argument....
SERIOUSLY! Is it really important whether the I Carly chick is a good singer?
Do you have to have a 20 minute argument about it? NO!! NO, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT!!!!
I don't care WHO was in the bathroom first...you're just washing your hands!
STOP TRYING TO PUSH EACH OTHER OUT THE DOOR AND SHARE THE DANG SINK!!
And on and on it goes! I'm not crazy! No really...I'm not! So how is it I find myself doing that crazy lady clenched-jaw-while-trying-to-yell thing? Often. Every once in a while I go to my room and lock myself in the bathroom just so I can have a couple of minutes of peace and quiet.
I LOVE my kids...sometimes though, I wonder about them...
The 11 year old swears she's got the correct information about EVERYTHING and she must impart her significant knowledge on everyone else. So she's very quick to point out when either of the other two are not doing something correctly, or they're not following the rules to her exact specifications, or they just look dorky doing whatever they're doing....she's also in charge of the aesthetic aspect of everything. We're thinking of just handing her number cards...so she can give us our scores!
My boy, who's 8, has a delightful lack of impulse control....did you jump of a high place? WAIT...he'll find one higher! A few days ago my youngest...I'll explain her in a minute...comes running into the kitchen yelling "David's on the roof!! He climbed out the bathroom window!" Yup...that's my Dave! Someone wants to play pool...WAIT! Lets play extreme pool and put our hands on the edge of the table to see who can take the hardest hit!! (To which Angie quickly says "DUH!! that's not a broken finger...its merely a contusion! And it makes your finger look ugly!!") Lets have a race on our bikes.....WAIT! lets make a ramp out of some wood and see who can get the most air jumping over each other...lay down right here Rachel!! He's the reason we buy medical supplies in bulk.
The youngest...yeah, she's a hard one to catch. Clearly, she has a future in the CIA or some kind of stealth secret forces or maybe investigative reporting....cause its AMAZING how she can tell you exactly what everyone is doing, where and why. She would make a wonderful spy. She hides real well...how else is she supposed to catch someone being bad. She has a near photographic memory of everything her sibling have done wrong that week, month, year and will quickly remind me or dad of these transgressions when she thinks the situation calls for it. She is VERY fast...I mean she is in front of me telling me this kid hit that kid before the kid being hit even feels the pain, its uncanny! AND...girl knows how to turn a situation to her advantage...so she's been bugging her brother (very quietly) for the last 20 minutes. The minute he looses it and retaliates...tears, shaky bottom lip, big sad eyes...she's got it down to a science!!
I know what you're thinking...where's the 4th kid? Is he the good one? Never gives his mama trouble? If you're asking that you obviously haven't read the older posts...SHAME ON YOU!
He's hardly ever involved in the actual event... at 14 he's too mature to play with the "kids". So obviously he wont join in the questionable activity...he's merely there as a consultant. You know...just there to lend a hand if people get distracted, so he can helpfully lead them back to their fabulous idea. He's a helper like that..never one to let an awesome idea go to waste...a facilitator...you got a plan? don't know how to pull it off? Not to worry...Al will help. Just remember this was your idea...he'll just be watching from waaay back over here so he doesn't get in the way of your glorious moment! He's the frame...you're the picture. Got a problem? Someone annoying you? Well...he's a man of peace, so he wont become personally involved in any retribution...but he's got some great ideas about how you can deal with that person. AND he's a great problem solver (as long as we're not talkin math) and delegator. Mom said no more snacks its almost dinner time, but there's some great cookies sitting right there on the bottom shelf. Why Rachel is small and stealthy...Dave go do your stuff and act crazy over there to distract mom while Rachel sneaks in the pantry for the cookies. If there's a way HE WILL FIND IT!
So you can understand why, by dinner time, I'm a little frazzled. It takes an unbelievable amount of patience to deal with their skills! And ear plugs...it takes patience and ear plugs! And prayer...patience, ear plugs and prayer.
But when it comes down to it they might get into some crazy stuff, but between the 4 of them they almost always figure out a way to fix whatever mess they're in. They fight and bicker ALL DAY but when the rubber meets the road, they almost always close ranks and stand together. So if I can just keep my sanity, keep them out of the hospital and away from committing any actual crime in their exuberance I have no doubt they'll do just fine!
So really what I'm saying here is that my kids have POTENTIAL!!
It's all in how you look at it!!!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The best day EVER!!
I can't believe today is finally here!!
Today is a VERY important day you know! I've been waiting for today my WHOLE life!
Every single moment of my entire life has been spent preparing for today....
Every wonderful friendship and painful betrayal,
Every sweet moment of rest and frantic moment of struggle,
Every wonderful day of health and awful day of illness,
Every life changing birth and mournful death,
Every mountain top of joy and delight and every valley of grief and sorrow,
they have all brought me right here to today. So today must be one heck of a day! Today must be getting ready to bring me something incredible! Today must be the most important day I've ever lived otherwise, why would I have needed such strenuous preparation?
If everything I've ever lived was in preparation for what will happen today, then today will surely change the rest of my life...every tomorrow will depend on what I do with today.
The rest of my tomorrows will hinge on what I do with what today has brought me...I'd better get cracking!!!
And the most wonderful part...the most perfect part is that I can say this EVERY morning!!!
Today is a VERY important day you know! I've been waiting for today my WHOLE life!
Every single moment of my entire life has been spent preparing for today....
Every wonderful friendship and painful betrayal,
Every sweet moment of rest and frantic moment of struggle,
Every wonderful day of health and awful day of illness,
Every life changing birth and mournful death,
Every mountain top of joy and delight and every valley of grief and sorrow,
they have all brought me right here to today. So today must be one heck of a day! Today must be getting ready to bring me something incredible! Today must be the most important day I've ever lived otherwise, why would I have needed such strenuous preparation?
If everything I've ever lived was in preparation for what will happen today, then today will surely change the rest of my life...every tomorrow will depend on what I do with today.
The rest of my tomorrows will hinge on what I do with what today has brought me...I'd better get cracking!!!
And the most wonderful part...the most perfect part is that I can say this EVERY morning!!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
hindsight...and other Christmas disturbances.
I warned you!
I told you things would get bad if you didn't change your ways. You've done nothing but make trouble for me from the moment we met. Its been nothing but very short lived joy followed by guilt and years of disappointment. I know I hold some of the fault too. I should have been strong enough to walk away before, but you always manage to drag me back in. You have no right to control my life this way.
Starting today I'm taking my life back! You hold no more power over me! I am a better woman without you and my life WILL be happier without you!
HOSTESS CUPCAKES I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!!!
At least until the holidays are over! :)
Its that time of the year again...although to be honest I've had a couple of years now to not deal with this. But now its that time again and the pressure will surely make me a little nuts from now until then!!
We are traveling "home" for Christmas...back to visit all our wonderful family in California. Don't get me wrong, they really are wonderful...well, mostly...but I come from a wonderful Hispanic family.
Why would that cause stress? you ask
Well...many of you will understand from experience, but for those of you who don't...
My family is a rowdy bunch of people who love a good party with lots of good food and beverages. So there's a lot of togetherness.
Now before I say this let me stress the fact that its all part of our crazy love...its hard to explain.
But...well not one event goes by with out the post-party recap and a few " my goodness, she sure has gained a lot of weight this year!"
Its comical to me...now that I'm not so self-conscious...but its inevitable. You'll hear it after every gathering.
If fact, I have this aunt whom I haven't seen in many years now who used to great me EVERY TIME SHE SAW ME with "mija, que gordita estas!" ....or for those of you who are Spanish challenged..."honey, look how chubby you are!" she would then, of course, follow it up by telling me I looked beautiful...but chubby! :)
There really is no hatefulness behind it...I think its some kind of weird cultural love thing.
But you can see how this can make a girl stress out a little! I mean I haven't been back a couple of years...so by comparison to then, I'm a couple of years older and the joys of middle age a couple of years more... established.
Which brings me, like most other women in my position, to the "OH MY GOD! how can I lose 15 pounds in the next 3 weeks? And clear up and de-wrinkle my face? And perk up...whatever needs perking?!!"
And since I tend to be a little OCD....well that brings us right back to my breakup with the evil Hostess Cupcake...and any other food I love that falls into that category!
I'd try that crazy Atkins diet...but I don't like steak THAT much...and quite frankly a couple of days of no carbs makes me slightly psychotic! I really though I'd hit the motherload when that guy announced his awesome Twinkie diet...but well, that's just a little scary. I mean...what if I try it and a week in find out I've gained like 10 pounds? Then its really gonna hit the fan around here and I'd rather still be married after the holidays!
So...back to counting my calories, taking my vitamins and working out every day. Which really is something I should have kept doing all along!!
To all my sisters and girl cousins...how bout we all make a pact to tell each other how freaking marvelous we look every time we see each other during the holidays? That will at least mitigate the trauma of knowing the minute you walk out the door someone will mention how big/jiggly/saggy your butt looked on the way out!!!
Bring on the HOLIDAYS!!! :)
I told you things would get bad if you didn't change your ways. You've done nothing but make trouble for me from the moment we met. Its been nothing but very short lived joy followed by guilt and years of disappointment. I know I hold some of the fault too. I should have been strong enough to walk away before, but you always manage to drag me back in. You have no right to control my life this way.
Starting today I'm taking my life back! You hold no more power over me! I am a better woman without you and my life WILL be happier without you!
HOSTESS CUPCAKES I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!!!
At least until the holidays are over! :)
Its that time of the year again...although to be honest I've had a couple of years now to not deal with this. But now its that time again and the pressure will surely make me a little nuts from now until then!!
We are traveling "home" for Christmas...back to visit all our wonderful family in California. Don't get me wrong, they really are wonderful...well, mostly...but I come from a wonderful Hispanic family.
Why would that cause stress? you ask
Well...many of you will understand from experience, but for those of you who don't...
My family is a rowdy bunch of people who love a good party with lots of good food and beverages. So there's a lot of togetherness.
Now before I say this let me stress the fact that its all part of our crazy love...its hard to explain.
But...well not one event goes by with out the post-party recap and a few " my goodness, she sure has gained a lot of weight this year!"
Its comical to me...now that I'm not so self-conscious...but its inevitable. You'll hear it after every gathering.
If fact, I have this aunt whom I haven't seen in many years now who used to great me EVERY TIME SHE SAW ME with "mija, que gordita estas!" ....or for those of you who are Spanish challenged..."honey, look how chubby you are!" she would then, of course, follow it up by telling me I looked beautiful...but chubby! :)
There really is no hatefulness behind it...I think its some kind of weird cultural love thing.
But you can see how this can make a girl stress out a little! I mean I haven't been back a couple of years...so by comparison to then, I'm a couple of years older and the joys of middle age a couple of years more... established.
Which brings me, like most other women in my position, to the "OH MY GOD! how can I lose 15 pounds in the next 3 weeks? And clear up and de-wrinkle my face? And perk up...whatever needs perking?!!"
And since I tend to be a little OCD....well that brings us right back to my breakup with the evil Hostess Cupcake...and any other food I love that falls into that category!
I'd try that crazy Atkins diet...but I don't like steak THAT much...and quite frankly a couple of days of no carbs makes me slightly psychotic! I really though I'd hit the motherload when that guy announced his awesome Twinkie diet...but well, that's just a little scary. I mean...what if I try it and a week in find out I've gained like 10 pounds? Then its really gonna hit the fan around here and I'd rather still be married after the holidays!
So...back to counting my calories, taking my vitamins and working out every day. Which really is something I should have kept doing all along!!
To all my sisters and girl cousins...how bout we all make a pact to tell each other how freaking marvelous we look every time we see each other during the holidays? That will at least mitigate the trauma of knowing the minute you walk out the door someone will mention how big/jiggly/saggy your butt looked on the way out!!!
Bring on the HOLIDAYS!!! :)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Michael Vick- healing families one magical football game at a time.
Last night I had one of the nicest, most meaningful talks I've had with my oldest son in a while. All thanks to Michael Vick.
Last night I loved that man just a little bit...and not just cause I creamed my fantasy opponent and broke 200 points all thanks to his almost 60 point performance...it's hard for me to say that cause I have no respect for him at this time. He's got a long way to go before I'm willing to say he's a good person. Great QB ABSOLUTELY! But a horrible man! And I say that with all the hope that he can use his past mistakes to make a life worthy of the talents, skills and opportunities he's been blessed with!
Anyhow, the Als and I were sitting...ok, they were sitting, I was jumping, hollering and making a general crazy out of myself...watching the game. At one point I said can you believe this guy was in jail like a year ago? Which began the discussion of how long he was in jail and all the stuff surrounding that.
Now we've had a rough couple of months with our boy. He's been testing our boundaries, commitment, love and sanity...on a daily basis. So most conversations with him are...challenging. We've been so busy just trying to keep him from making bad choices and driving us to therapy, that we haven't really sat down to just talk about stuff. That's where Vick comes in...opening the doors of communication!!
I then said to my boy "Did you know a person can be convicted of a felony and face up to 2 years in prison for tampering or damaging a Bald Eagle egg and yet hundreds of thousand human babies die through abortion every year and its ok with our society?" He thought about that for a minute and said, "That doesn't sound right. But what if a girl is raped? She should be able to get an abortion, its not fair for her to have to have that baby."
Now, I know what my beliefs are and my kids know what my beliefs are...but in that moment I realized they know the what, but not the why. I can tell them this or that is right or wrong, but if I fail to get them to understand why...well then its just pointless. Worse, it's exactly what drives us to rebel against out "parent's beliefs" when we're old enough to be exposed to opposing schools of thought. If I can't express to them clearly the whys of what I believe, then I'm not helping them develop the reasoning skills to make these decision for themselves.
I explained to him that only 1% of all abortions are made by women who have been raped or abused. About 4% more are due to health problems of the baby or mother. I told him that in these situations the parents have an absolute right to choose what they feel is best for them.
But that means that 95% abortions are just a means of birth control. ...those I don't understand. There is NO reason why abortion needs to be used as birth control. In a day when condoms are available for free at the school nurse, when family planning clinics are everywhere and provide practically free birth control pills and numerous other birth control methods, for people of any age regardless of parental consent, there really should be no need for abortions. I told him you don't "accidentally" have sex...which, of course, made him giggle...you choose to have sex. So then, to turn around and say " I was too irresponsible to use birth control and therefore the solution now is to kill this baby." is wrong.
I told him I believe God has a purpose for EVERY baby conceived.
It completely blew me away when he replied " well then if God has a plan for them and they're aborted, He must be ok with that."
I said "oh no baby...God never wants that. God never wants us to do wrong, hurtful things...but He lets us cause He wants us to grow. Every choice we make whether right or wrong, He will use it to make us better people if we let Him. We, however, have to be willing to work in the messes we make. We have to be willing to say hey I really screwed up God, help me make it right!"
And this is where the magic happened....
He said, real quietly..." I haven't done that in a long time."
"What?" I asked
"Told God I'm making a mess and asked for His help....its a lot of stuff. I can't really fix it all."
So I just said "You can't always go back and fix it all. But God promised you that tomorrow is a new morning. Where you can start fresh. Once you face God with everything you've done that you think is wrong, He promised to forgive you and, better yet, forget it like it never happened. All that stuff doesn't matter to God, you matter to God. Your tomorrow matters to God. That's why whatever you did yesterday or last week or last month God wants you to face and accept and repent for, not because He decides what your worth is because of it, but because once you face it He WILL use it to make you better tomorrow."
He just laid there quietly for a little while with his head on my lap and then just said "Ok."
God gives us little moments like this, I think, to remind us that its never too bad, too far or too hard. Its amazing to me that, when you least expect it, you can have a conversation that allows you to share your heart and see into your child's.
Now if we could only get him to the point of not driving me to medication!! Baby steps...baby steps!!
Last night I loved that man just a little bit...and not just cause I creamed my fantasy opponent and broke 200 points all thanks to his almost 60 point performance...it's hard for me to say that cause I have no respect for him at this time. He's got a long way to go before I'm willing to say he's a good person. Great QB ABSOLUTELY! But a horrible man! And I say that with all the hope that he can use his past mistakes to make a life worthy of the talents, skills and opportunities he's been blessed with!
Anyhow, the Als and I were sitting...ok, they were sitting, I was jumping, hollering and making a general crazy out of myself...watching the game. At one point I said can you believe this guy was in jail like a year ago? Which began the discussion of how long he was in jail and all the stuff surrounding that.
Now we've had a rough couple of months with our boy. He's been testing our boundaries, commitment, love and sanity...on a daily basis. So most conversations with him are...challenging. We've been so busy just trying to keep him from making bad choices and driving us to therapy, that we haven't really sat down to just talk about stuff. That's where Vick comes in...opening the doors of communication!!
I then said to my boy "Did you know a person can be convicted of a felony and face up to 2 years in prison for tampering or damaging a Bald Eagle egg and yet hundreds of thousand human babies die through abortion every year and its ok with our society?" He thought about that for a minute and said, "That doesn't sound right. But what if a girl is raped? She should be able to get an abortion, its not fair for her to have to have that baby."
Now, I know what my beliefs are and my kids know what my beliefs are...but in that moment I realized they know the what, but not the why. I can tell them this or that is right or wrong, but if I fail to get them to understand why...well then its just pointless. Worse, it's exactly what drives us to rebel against out "parent's beliefs" when we're old enough to be exposed to opposing schools of thought. If I can't express to them clearly the whys of what I believe, then I'm not helping them develop the reasoning skills to make these decision for themselves.
I explained to him that only 1% of all abortions are made by women who have been raped or abused. About 4% more are due to health problems of the baby or mother. I told him that in these situations the parents have an absolute right to choose what they feel is best for them.
But that means that 95% abortions are just a means of birth control. ...those I don't understand. There is NO reason why abortion needs to be used as birth control. In a day when condoms are available for free at the school nurse, when family planning clinics are everywhere and provide practically free birth control pills and numerous other birth control methods, for people of any age regardless of parental consent, there really should be no need for abortions. I told him you don't "accidentally" have sex...which, of course, made him giggle...you choose to have sex. So then, to turn around and say " I was too irresponsible to use birth control and therefore the solution now is to kill this baby." is wrong.
I told him I believe God has a purpose for EVERY baby conceived.
It completely blew me away when he replied " well then if God has a plan for them and they're aborted, He must be ok with that."
I said "oh no baby...God never wants that. God never wants us to do wrong, hurtful things...but He lets us cause He wants us to grow. Every choice we make whether right or wrong, He will use it to make us better people if we let Him. We, however, have to be willing to work in the messes we make. We have to be willing to say hey I really screwed up God, help me make it right!"
And this is where the magic happened....
He said, real quietly..." I haven't done that in a long time."
"What?" I asked
"Told God I'm making a mess and asked for His help....its a lot of stuff. I can't really fix it all."
So I just said "You can't always go back and fix it all. But God promised you that tomorrow is a new morning. Where you can start fresh. Once you face God with everything you've done that you think is wrong, He promised to forgive you and, better yet, forget it like it never happened. All that stuff doesn't matter to God, you matter to God. Your tomorrow matters to God. That's why whatever you did yesterday or last week or last month God wants you to face and accept and repent for, not because He decides what your worth is because of it, but because once you face it He WILL use it to make you better tomorrow."
He just laid there quietly for a little while with his head on my lap and then just said "Ok."
God gives us little moments like this, I think, to remind us that its never too bad, too far or too hard. Its amazing to me that, when you least expect it, you can have a conversation that allows you to share your heart and see into your child's.
Now if we could only get him to the point of not driving me to medication!! Baby steps...baby steps!!
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