the 'I' in quitter

So here I am, on just day 2 of this fitness challenge/competition I've joined
and already the BS in my head has started.

I'm draggin butt, sore and desperately wanting to go back to bed.  And someone in my head is running color commentary...
     "Now? You're gonna do this NOW? You thought pushin 40 with a half-wonky knee was a good time to do this?  Maybe you shoulda thought about this like 15-20 years ago!" 

    I have this picture in my head (probably inspired by the pictures of the winners of last year's challenge) of what I'll look like when this is done.  But my head's color commentator isn't buying it. 
"Wow! I mean wow...really? That's a really optimistic...and by optimistic I mean unrealistic... picture isn't it? Hellooo...4 kids later! You'd need a magic wand not a workout plan!"

And seriously, I mean... yeah. right?  I'm almost 40 and the only things bouncing back are the things that shouldn't be at this point!  My knee wont be 100% for a while still, my shoulder has joined my knee in the complaints department and if someone started adding up all the other times I quit one thing or another in my life it'd be a full-time job. 

Fortunately for me, I've got a coach/accountability partner/cheerleader that is second to none.  Pam DOES NOT take any bull.  She's not interested in my excuses, my complaints, or my "yeah, but".  So when I don't want to, she's the voice I hear saying "AWWWW HELL NO!!"

And I need it. Cause I'm NOT going to be a quitter this time.  My 'I'  wont be used in that word anymore! 

Cause I'm almost 40 dang it! That's 4 decades of accumulated knowledge, experience and awesomeness to draw from.  So if I decide NOW is the time...it's cause I'm finally prepared, ready, focused, self-confident and able to GET IT DONE!!

Rachel vs Jillian Michaels

The Tulsa Shock came to Rachel's school today for the "Time out for Fitness" assembly.

Who are the Tulsa Shock you ask?  You animal! How dare you not know of the unmatched Tulsa WNBA team!!! The nerve!

So a couple of players, some cheerleaders (David was heartbroken and deeply disturbed that his class did not go to this event...where there were cheerleaders...pretty pretty cheerleaders...) and VOLT!

"Volt is awesome! I love Volt! Really...I love him!" 
From the moment she got home, till I sent her to bed...that's pretty much all I heard.

Volt said....

Volt did...

Volt showed us...

Apparently this Volt (the team mascot - most likely a fox) did a whole presentation, complete with backflips and lots of jumping around, about fitness.   He gave the kids this brochure with all kinds of info about exercise, eating well and creating good habits.

 So all evening Rachel ran around...literally...jogged around the house, jumping-jacked around the house, lunged around the house, did arm circles around the house, butterfly-kicked around the house, knee-lifted around the house... you see where this is going

I had to holler at her twice to sit down during dinner because she would get up and jump around while eating her pizza (probably not too horrible an idea).  I don't know if she continued her exercise mania during church...and I don't want to know either.

As part of her fitnesspalooza evening she also came up with a fitness slogan she's gonna share with everyone so she can help them get fit....prepare yourself...

"BE FIT NOT FAT!" 

This was where she started channeling Jillian Michaels...

"mom, you just gotta tell people they HAVE to be fit.  It makes you sick if you're not!  So if I see someone and they're fat I'm gonna tell them BE FIT NOT FAT!" 

oh...

oh no...

not good...

it's a good thing she didn't proceed to tell me, the person with the authority to spank her hiney, to BE FIT NOT FAT...cause them's fightin words!

I had to crush her dream of the Rachel BE FIT NOT FAT fitness craze (I know I keep writing it in caps...it's cause she was VERY emphatic every time she said it!) with a discussion about nice words vs hurtful words.

She's in the process of developing a new slogan.

I'll keep you updated...

completely unmeaningful hilariousness

So this begins as so many of my finer moments do...at the Walmart.

I'm waiting in line in front of this lady and she's got 2 little kids...like younger than 3...in the basket of the cart with all the groceries piled in around them.  It's been a looooong wait and she's flipping through magazines and talking on her phone.  I hear the kids kinda being rowdy and hear her tell them to be quiet and settle down.

   So, of course...as any professional mother with vast experience will do...I kinda glance over my shoulder at the kiddies in the basket because my trouble sensor was tingling.  I notice they are literally sitting on several items (like veggies, a box of muffins, some bagels...) that definitely should not be sat on.  I look up and she's completely oblivious; on the phone and getting her important news update courtesy of Woman's Day. 

  Oh well...live and learn I always say. So I turn around and continue to wait.


Couple of minutes later I hear a giggle...followed by a bigger giggle...followed by SHHHHHH!!

A glance back reveals mom still completely immersed in whether Kim K. has a new Saudi beau and how she lost 10 pounds to catch him and her phone conversation (which apparently was not very engrossing)...the kids however had managed to open the ketchup bottle in the cart and were squirting it around and finger painting to their little hearts' content.

I did what any other person would do "Excuse me ma'am..."  

The response I got... she didn't even acknowledge me.  She raised the "hold on" finger at me without even looking my way, rather rudely and emphatically I might add.  Who could she possibly be talking to and what information contained within the bastion of knowledge know as STAR magazine could make someone unable to look at a person trying to address them?  The world may never know!

Meh...alrighteee then. 

So I did what probably not every other person would do...I looked them kids square in the eyes, gave them a biggo smile, (cause someone has to appreciate their artistic endeavors) and turned back around.  Just in time to start loading my items onto the register belt thingy.

The high pitched shrieking and shocked mutterings of "OH MY GOD...what are you doing?!!! OH MY GOD!!!" a minute later told me the jig was up. 

Since there was no way I could possibly deal with the situation now without excessive laughter and possibly peeing my pants,  I quickly paid for my stuff, shared a conspiratorial smile with the checker (who I'm pretty sure witnessed the whole thing) and left as quickly as possible laughing and snorting as quietly as possible.

I LOOOOVE WALMART!!!!

Stripped

I really think most of us have been here.  If you haven't, congratulations and prepare yourself...cause you will...one day.  And whether it's been years, months, days or hours, there's a reason we have that lovely "light at the end of the tunnel" saying...  There absolutely is light and love and perfection in death...especially in the death of our "selves" when we turn our mess over to God.


I hate it. I hate all of it!
The feeling that everything that could have been is gone.  The feeling that everything you've worked for, believed in, trusted in, planned around - gone.
Tossed away   disappeared   just because.
I can't see a good reason for it.  I can't understand what good can possibly come from it. 
I hate it!

So what can I do?  What can I do but yell and cry and throw a few things?  What can I do but rage and cuss and moan?  What can I do but weep and feel lost and fall to my knees...press my forehead to the floor in despair...and do it all over again...and again...

But now...now I yell and cry and rage and weep and fall before You.  And You hear it.  You see it.  You feel it with me.  And I feel You.

It could have been hours or days or months...forehead and knees pressed to the floor.  Angry words, sad words, wordless moans falling at Your feet.   
But You never left me.  You emptied me of it all, collected every feeling and word and thought so nothing was left to poison me.  Until the only thing left was You and me...but mostly You.

And I love it.  I love all of it!
The feeling of everything You've been and will always be.  The feeling of everything You've worked in me, believed in me, entrusted to me, planned around me - here  living  breathing  growing   Just because You love me!
I don't need to find a good reason for it.  I don't need to understand what good will come of it...I just KNOW it will!

Because the only thing left is You!

you are

God and I have been writing love songs to each other these last couple of weeks (yes. it's THAT kind of post...so feel free to tune out if you wanna).  Let me tell you, He's waaay better than me! 
And, although I never thought I'd do this, (cause in the normal scheme of me I tend to usually giggle at other people's poetic writing, not in a mean way...well not usually in a mean way...more in a "wow! you sure have deep thoughts that I'll never understand." kinda way) I decided to share this...mostly for my wonderful friends who humor the many faces of me!

In the pinnacle and the abyss, in the torrent and the mist; You are.
In the silence and the shout, in boldness and in doubt; You are.
The fire that burns inside, my ever present guide; You are.
In the mother's lullaby, in the wounded heart's cry; You are.
In the shadow and the light, in the weakness and the fight; You are.
The glow of first love, the hope from above; You are.
In the desert and the rain, in the joy and in the pain; You are.
In the stillness and the rush, in love's tender touch; You are.
In the stranger's helping hand, in the faith to finally stand; You are.
So let my prayer always be
let there be less of me,  so when they look, all they'll see is who You are.

love is...

My beloved is mine and I am his.

When night comes we lay down together, wrap our arms around each other and press our foreheads tightly together.  In the quiet I whisper to him my dreams, my fears, my hopes, my love for him.  He whispers to me of his pride in me, his joy in my happiness, his dreams for me, his love for me.  I fall asleep held securely by him and dream sweet dreams.

When I wake in the morning his face is the first thing I see.  His smile shines brighter than the sun.  His words of love are my breath.

As I leave our quiet place and walk out the door into the world, he reminds me of my value, my worth, my preciousness.  He holds me tightly before I leave so that I know his love comes with me.

While I face the arrows, daggers and temptations of the world, his words remain, sweet whispers in my heart and mind.  His love is the standard that makes all else insignificant.  I wrap his love and his words to me tightly around my heart so that nothing else can claim it.

When I walk in the door he is there waiting for me.  He pulls me close and shuts the door, closing out the world.  It is insignificant in our quiet place.  He notices everything about be.  He knows my weariness.  He sees the hurts that have managed to reach me.  He tends to me carefully, his hands as gentle as his heart as he heals me.  All the while he reminds me of how great his love for me is,  how eternal and everlasting.  He banishes the hurts inflicted by the careless words of others and replaces them with his complete and unquestionable joy in being my beloved.  Under his steady and constant love nothing else stands. 

My heart is too captivated by him to wonder far.  I am complete only with him.  When I am with him my joy knows no bounds.  When I find myself far from him my heart grieves and cries out it's loss.  There is none that can compare, none that measure up, none that even come close.  I do not need to look for anything else.  He is my all.  He is my constant, my anchor, my shelter, my joy, my dream, my hope, my forever.

My Beloved is mine and I am His!

Why? Because I can...

So I'm doing this Month of Thanksgiving challenge and I gotta be honest...it's way to easy to sprout thankful sounding things.  I mean I know all the things I should be thankful for...so it's easy to be thankful for them.  And yet...I'm sure if I kept count...there would be way too many thing I complain about during the day.

So I thought, since today is Veterans Day, it would be a good time to be thankful for the things I have thanks to the service men and women who protect my daily countless, useless, priceless, meaningless and life-changing activities. Here goes....

     Today I ran a few miles on my treadmill. Why? Because I can. 

     Because I didn't have to run from bullets, or bombs, or people trying to hurt me. 

     Selfless people do that for me.

     Today I carried around 4 loads of laundry. Why?  Because I can. 

     Because I didn't have to carry around several pounds of equipment or weapons or wounded victims or friends. 

    Stronger people do that for me.

     Today I'm going to snuggle with my kids on the couch. Why?  Because I can.  Because I don't have

     to huddle with them in a dark corner somewhere hiding and keeping them quiet to be safe. 

Braver people protect me from that.

     Today I argued and yelled at my husband. Why? Because I can. 

Because I don't have to be afraid he has the right to beat me or stone me or kill me if I do something he doesn't like. 

 Honorable people uphold that right for me.

     Today I'll listen to and watch numerous people on tv, radio and internet.  Funny people, dumb people, angry people, smart people, ignorant people, black/white/hispanic/asian/native American people, people from both genders and those in between, people from every conceivable "lifestyle"out there.  Why?  Because I can. 

Because no one can tell me what to watch, listen to or believe.

     Generous people give me that.

     Someone's child died for me to have this life.  Someone's daddy or mama died for me to enjoy my rights.  Someone was willing to give up their treadmill run, their laundry, their kid's snuggle, their spouse, their time, their future...so I could have mine,unrestricted, unfettered and carefree.

Grateful?...we'd damn well better be!

   

Hypocritical much?!

Hypocritical
Synonyms: artificial, backhanded, counterfeit, double, double-dealing, double-faced, fake, feigned, insincere, Janus-faced, jive [slang], left-handed, lip, mealy, mealymouthed, Pecksniffian, phony (also phoney), phony-baloney (or phoney-baloney), pretended, two-faced, unctuous
and may I add...JERK!

It's so much easier to confess your sins in a such an impersonal way.  Here I am, admitting to all and sundry, that I kicked the day off with a GIGANTIC "Jerk" sign on my forehead...but I don't actually have to look you in the eye while doing it. 

It all began, as most bad things do, in the dark of night...

Despite my desire to go to bed at a decent hour...
1) My fantasy football team was neck and neck with the other guy...known as THE LOSER this morning...till the very end of the game. HAD to watch. (by the way...what a spectacle that was!)
2) I started reading. You know how that goes...
3) I had a full bag of sunflower seeds to snack on while reading in bed, which is frowned upon when Al is home so it was a good time!

And so...didn't get to sleep till about 2...again.

Needless to say...there was no getting up bright eyed and bushy tailed for me this morning.  When the alarm went off at 6, I staggered over to Angie's room, woke her up,staggered back to bed and turned off alarm #1.  When alarm #2 went off at 6:30 I hit snooze, I staggered over to Al's room, woke him up and went right back to bed.  7 minutes later when the alarm went off again

(what the heck kind of time is that for a "snooze" by the way? 7 minutes? who picked that? such an odd amount of time...pick 5 or 10, but 7? that's just weird!)

anyway...when the 7 minutes of snooze were over, I peeked my head out of my blankets and hollered "Al...are you up?" 
To which he clearly replied "yeah! yeah! I'm up!"

Now at this point I meant to hit snooze again...which I will do a couple of times till there's no other option but for me to get up...but instead I hit the off button

7:07 - CRAP!  We have to be out of the house in like 5 minutes to get Al to school on time!
         Jumped out of bed, got dresses and headed out of my room. 

 Noticed the downstairs was still dark....hmmm, surely there should be a kid down there eating breakfast or getting ready to leave or something... Oh heck NO!  Look in Al's room and there he is all snuggled up in bed.

Now here's where the responsible, calm adult part of me (yes I DO have one of those!) deserted me completely cause I yelled "ALONSO! GET UP!" Which, needless to say, scared the crap out of him (and poor Dave and Rachel who were still asleep across the hall). 
 I then proceeded to chew him out over getting to bed late and not getting up on time. (yup, those words actually came out of my mouth)

And lying to me about being up when he wasn't (I stick by this one by the way!)

And how irresponsible it was for him to do this when he knows I still have 3 other kids to get to school and now everyone will be late (of course! who else should be responsible for getting the other kids off to school on time but...Al?)  ....and on and on. 

I wasn't done yet....

I then turn to Angie, who got up on time and was in the bathroom finishing her hair, and holler at her, "You were up! when you saw he wasn't getting up why didn't you wake him!" She replied "Mom I did.  But he didn't listen!"  Me: "well why didn't you come wake me and tell me!" 

HUH???  ....I know! I know! I'm an ass!!

I hang my head in shame!

The sheer hypocrisy of yelling at Al over going to bed late and not waking up on time when clearly I did the same...

And the unmitigated gall of getting mad at Angie for not doing something that is, without question, my responsibility, because I overslept...

This is, without a doubt, a blue-ribbon day for mom stupidity around here! THE SHAME!!!!

I got some 'splainin to do...

I'll make some chocolate chip cookies for when they get home...they'll help put them in a forgiving mood and help me choke down the bitter taste of my jerkness when I apologize.

Make every day a PARTY!!!

So its a tradition at my house...we don't just do the last day of school...we DO the last day of school!! It's a  PARTY!

The best part is waiting for the kids...hiding around the corner...with whatever crazy surprise I've come up with.

This year I went with a classic..."End of School Luau!"

I like to kick off the beginning of our Summer vacation with a bang!!  And I happen to be married to an absolutely wonderfully patient man who goes with whatever crazy idea I come up with!!



nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids laugh!!

OK...so I also enjoy laughing at my kids once in a while...

At the end of the day I ask myself...."Gina, did everyone have fun? Will they remember today and have a story to tell their kids?  Did you laugh so hard you almost peed your pants?"

If I can answer YES to all of the above...my job here is done!! :)

Its SO much more...why hadn't I noticed?

For the most part its just been a spot on my map of life.  A big spot, cause it was a huge achievement for me, but  just a spot non the less.  If you'd asked me a week ago what it was like I would have said it was ok, kinda small, nothing too exciting.  The exciting part is what I DID there!  Look at ME! Ran a the MotherRoad Half Marathon! Yup...right through a little town in Kansas...Baxter Springs I think...and Joplin, Missouri...I'M SO AWESOME!!!

But after last night...after this morning...its so much more. This place is SO much more.

Here's what I'm gonna tell you today about what it was like.  It was countless words of encouragement and "you can do its" from hotel clerks, waitresses, and every volunteer who helped me check in the day before. 

It was the sweetness of the waitress at Denny's who gave me a quick hug and a huge smile told me I was ready at 5 in the morning when we went to breakfast and she realized I was too nervous to eat. 

It was a 7 am party at the start line where countless people got together to play music for us and entertain us and make sure when we took off it was with a smile on our face.

It was immeasurable support from the hundreds of people who took time out of their work day to stand outside their small shops and cheer us on when we ran (or walked) past them. 

It was the little hands of girl scouts handing out water and gatorade at the drink stops with big, toothless smiles shining right at me. 

It was the silly giggle that jumped right out of my mouth when I turned the corner and saw a real life Mater just parked on the side of the road, his big, goofy eyes lookin right at me. 

It was a sweet old man...old, OLD man...who hollered at me from his chair when I walked past him, not sure I had 6 feet left in me much less 6 miles, to "Git movin before I catch you!" 

The cop directing traffic who told each and every one of us who, after nine long miles, looked up at the hill in front of us ready to cry..."this it it! just this one and you're there! go! go!" 

It was the rowdy noise of a bunch of people jumping up and down at the finish every time someone ran through...or staggered through in my case.

The wonderful group of EMT's who took one look at me and pulled me over to their tent, sat me down and handed me a big cup of water.

All capped off by a city making a party, just to celebrate with me and cheer me and tell me they were proud of me...and the hundreds of others they welcomed with open arms. 

Funny how that all blended together at the time, and for almost a year after.  I was so wrapped up in how proud of me I was...that I didn't really think of all the great people that made it possible for me to feel this way. 

Not until I saw this same town devastated. These same people staggering around, just trying to get their minds around what they had lived through and the reality of what was left. 

These are not just spots on a map, small towns in middle-America...just like a hundred others.  They are wonderful places! Full of generous, strong, proud, loving people.  People who work hard and give much.  These people, to whom I hadn't given much thought in the last year...well, I realized that in 2 days, they went from strangers to friends.  And it wasn't until I sat, trying not to cry as I watched the news last night, that I realized that a little part of them belongs to me and a little part of me belongs to them now. Spent a long time praying for the safety of all the people who's faces I hadn't thought of in so long.  But they were there for me one day....and I can be there for them now.

It can't possibly be harder...

Well...its been a while.  But I haven't really felt interesting enough to write lately.

And this one really is not for all of you...but for the few that find themselves where I am today.

I find myself on a leaky boat, with no paddle, trying to navigate the rough seas of adolescence...my kids', not my own!

And, as I'm sure countless parents have done before me,  once I've yelled, punished, spanked, cried, hollered some more, and pulled out some hair (mostly, but not all, mine) I'm finally exhausted and begging God to help me. 

My prayers are simple.  Easy-peasy for the Creator of the Universe.  Fix me! Fix my kid! Fix our relationship!  I believe in miracles...surely You can make it so when the child comes home he will be open to my guidance and willing to follow it cause it's best for him and I will be a calm, patient, understanding parent with the right words!!  I mean...really...after the Red Sea and all, its not too much to ask?!

But that's not what I got. 

What I got is a God who answered, "I know. I know how hard it is to watch your child go through something hard and painful and confusing.  I know how hard it is to hear your child ask you to fix it, but know you can't because it's for the best that they go through it. I know.  Focus on the goal, not the bumps on the road"

As hard as it might be to deal with a kid who wont talk to you and stomps around cause he's grounded...again...God sure can put it all in the proper perspective! 

couldn't happen...but what if I'm wrong?

So as most of us are wont to do when we have a little time between loads of laundry, loads of work or loads of b.s. ....I found myself pondering the complexities of existentialism and man...

of course in my head it went more like...."hmmmm...what if I'm a total dork?"

What if everything I believe is totally wrong?

What if the Hindus or the Buddhists are right and we just recycle around and around till we get it right?

Or maybe I'm just a biggo walking, talking part of the earth and when I die I just go right back into it?

Or maybe this is all just one big lucky accident and there's just nothing out there that means anything other than right now?

I guess all those could be true.  I mean, the only reason I am so grounded in my faith is because I have seen God work in my life and have witnessed the power of redemption in Christ in so many.  But as far as proof proof...well I suppose any of these beliefs as well as mine are lacking in that.

There's no lack of people who will tell me that my "faith" is just a delusion I use to comfort myself...and I suppose even they could be right.  Its not like we lack for reasons to need comfort now and then.  So if I spend my whole life wallowing in this delusion...does it matter? 

So I died a big dork and lived a life believing in a fake God following a fake example of how to love others and have compassion and make a positive difference.  I followed fake rules...although anyway you look at it not stealing, not hurting, killing or disrespecting others and just being a good person are positives all around. I made myself a part of an entire community of others as deluded as me....guess I'll just recycle around to my next life and hopefully not be as big a dork....or I'm just dirt again and who cares anyway...or nothing, just nothing...

Does it matter?  If I'm wrong?  Not really...I can't find a downside to being wrong...other than maybe another spin on the big rollercoaster of life. 

The way I see it, it only really matters if I'm right...and hopefully we wont find that out for a long time...and then it wont really matter will it? well... at least not to me. 

Honestly...I can't see a downside to loving my God. To believing, in the end, I will be found whole and worthy because of Jesus.  I'm happy, free, comforted and secure in that faith. I harm no one and hopefully make things a little better during my turn here.  I share the hope and love I feel with others who might need it. 

No harm no foul right?

...I'm not really worried about being wrong....although we all know that could NEVER happen!!!

My Dearest Child...

O wonderful fruit of my loins...

For at least 5 years now you have enjoyed the wonder that is a shower.  You have listened to the magic of the waterfall-like noise as water falls from the shower head.  Yes...you know that sound.

In those same years your father and I have made it a priority to teach you respect for others, thoughtfulness and consideration.  Manners, politeness...the little things that make life wonderful for all involved.

And yet here I am, once again contorted into the well known "AAAAARGHH...I'm in the dang shower" flamingo pose with strategic placement of hands which I delude myself into thinking have allowed me at least a smidgen of bodily privacy as you whip open the closed doors and barge into my bathroom!!

WHY CHILD? WHY???

You know you saw the closed door.  You know you heard the shower running.  And since you couldn't find me anywhere else in the house, I have NO DOUBT that you knew I was in here!!

I love you...I really do.  But would it kill you to allow me 10 minutes of complete privacy? 

Do you think that the minute I close that door and turn on the shower the magical Willy Wonka elevator shows up? You think I've got a hidden escape pod in there? (man that would be awesome!)  A hidden stash of wonderfulness?

All I'm doing is showering.  Honest. There are countless things in our home that would provide you with great entertainment...none of which are in the shower with me.  There's no circus show going on.  I'm not hiding candies or great snacks in the shower. No magical dimensions I leave to.  Really...I got nothin. 

SO STAY OUT!!!
Thanks,
Your Mother

The only positive thing to come out of this is the new "Hidden Shower Flamingo" pose I've added to my yoga routine.  Oh yeah...you try holding that sucker for a few minutes and tell me your core isn't engaged!!

My 2 cents...its all I got, blame the economy!

Its easy to forget freedom and democracy are a messy business.  While we sit here snug in our Constitution and our rights we forget that it took thousands and thousands of deaths, it took decades, it took this country nearly being split in half before we could settle into our cushy Democracy.  We read about it for a couple of weeks in 7th grade and then move on. Heck its ANCIENT news...why spend too much time on the Revolutionary War when we got exciting stuff going on now!  I mean all's well that ends well...why rehash it every 5 minutes when we got it all figured out!

Its no surprise that we want every country to enjoy what we enjoy, its freaking awesome after all! ...but can't they be neater and nicer about it? Can't this be done in like a couple of days so our programing isn't interrupted by breaking news coverage?  God!  How long can it take to just install a good government anyway! SHEESH!

Is it crazy to think what's happening in Egypt should be "fixed" quickly?  Pick the good guys, get them a good guy government and everyone go home and enjoy!  Yeah...that's how you get Saddam, or for that matter Mubarak.  As hard as it may be for us, who have the market cornered on awesome governments and all, we should perhaps consider that the people that actually live there...you know the ones risking their lives protesting in the street...should get to pick their new leader.  Not the US or Europe or whomever else.  Its a messy business this freedom and democracy thing...it might take more than 5 minutes.  Thank goodness we here in America...the beacon of freedom and democracy... have redbox and cable available to us while the rest of the world gets its act together!!

While I wait for the next thing that will come along and entertain me I guess I'll take a moment to pray for the people half a world away fighting tooth and nail for the freedoms we don't think are good enough anymore!

I'd say sorry but...well I think reality is a good place.

Apparently there were quite a few disgruntled folks after my SOTU synopsis.  It wasn't much of a surprise to me that many of them were...and I say were cause it probably is past tense at this point...friends and acquaintances in California. 

They are saddened and disappointed that I have been obviously brainwashed and misled by...well I don't know who exactly they think has done this to me, but its sad!

The least nice of those actually said that since I've moved to this "backward hick state" all the years of wonderful California public school and excellent secular university education seems to have fallen right outta my ears! (to be replaced by hay no doubt!) Cause I obviously don't understand the cerebral aspects of political decision made by our government. 

And I guess I don't...and probably never have...cause at my house when I only have say 50 bucks...I don't go out to the store and buy $700 worth of stuff and then demand the person behind me in line pay for it.  When our budget is maxed...we don't take out a loan to buy us a fancy new high speed anything...heck we're just happy to have enough money to buy gas!  AND once I've spent all my money buying non-essential stuff I can't afford I don't run down the street to the "rich people" houses and demand that they give me some of their money cause its not fair that I ran out and they have more than enough.  Call me crazy...but although I totally get that a hybrid would be totally cheaper in the long run in terms of fuel cost than my 'regular' Suburban...that doesn't really matter if I don't have the money to buy one anyway!


NEVER MIND!
I give up...think what you want, as I've said before it's America...its allowed here.  I'm sure your state can provide you with free counseling to deal with the damage my crazy opinions may have cause...at least until your state has to file for bankruptcy due to wasteful spending anyway.

Have a great day!! :)

SOTU for Dummies

~ Innovation: We're taking more of your money to come up with new ways to take your money.

~Education: We're taking more of your money to help you understand why we need to take more of your money.

~Infrastructure: We're taking more of your money to fund pork barrel shovel ready projects and buildings with our names on it...its important.

~Government/Regulation reform: We're making new rules to make it easier to take your money.

~Defecit reduction: we'll spend less money in a couple of areas while taking more of your money to spend on all of the other areas above.

Hey America is totally great! If American's were just a little more willing to share their money with us, its great elected officials, America could be awesome!  If you all complained just a little less and were more quiet about it, we could totally print more dollars and borrow more money from China and show China that we're totally more awesome than they are!! Deficit schmefecit...we'll be awesome!

If we could all just bipartisanly (I'm not sure that's an actual word by the way) agree that I am right and that we should do everything I say we can make American great again! 

Thank You and please leave your check at the door.

Man!! I should totally be a speech writter for these yahoos...I could have totally saved us like 80 wasted minutes of our lives!!

 Am I sounding bitter? :)

burnin it all down and starting from scratch!...wait don't call the cops I meant it metaphorically!!!

thinkin I needed a new theme song for my revolution! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVXWS4yhSIY&feature=related

you started it....

Now I was sure I was grown up! I mean the wrinkles and random saggy parts pretty much point out the fact that my childhood is long over.  And from my perspective you're there too.  I'm pretty sure that we can now safely claim to be adults...

   side note: if you cannot safely claim to be an adult quit reading this and go do your homework!

...and, give or take a moment of insanity here and there, we should be able to behave like adults.  We should have by now kicked those habits that so annoy us in our adolescent (or pre-adolescent if they're on the fast track to annoy mom schedule), kids.  If you don't have kids, or kids that magical age...well still take a moment next time you're in line at a crowded store or walking through the mall on a Saturday and I'm sure you'll grasp what I'm saying.

And I suppose this is why I am just about ready to permanently stop watching any TV that doesn't include Spongebob in its commentary.  I am just astounded at how stupid and juvenile people have become.  I honestly don't care what particular circus animal you claim to politically follow...truly I don't.  I might think you're misguided, misinformed or honestly perhaps just plain naive...but if I loved you before, I'll still love you now.  Short of finding some kind of crazy animal bone shrine in your backyard, I might disagree with you, but I'm not gonna suddenly think you're nuts. 

What I fail to understand is how people can just assume that because you agree with this guy or that guy there's something wrong with you...unless you follow Hitler or Mao or Castro...then there's something wrong with you! ;)  What happened to being entitled to your opinion?  Sure I tend to veer in a much further conservative direction than many of my friends...and despite my attendance at some rallies here and there I can guarantee that NO ONE who knows me thinks I'm gonna flip my lid....

  ...well OK let me rephrase that...no one who knows me thinks I'm gonna flip my lid any further and in a violent direction....I'm more likely to suddenly have purple hair, or a tattoo or a piercing or two when I finally do loose the couple of marbles rattling around in there!

So why is it that suddenly we've all decided, despite the many people we all know who belong to these various schools of thought, that anyone who believes in strict adherence to the Constitution is out of touch with today's reality! Or if you agree with the "Tea Party" principles you're an old, white racist guy! Or if you're a liberal Democrat you hate America!  We personally know these people! They are our friends, family members, coworkers...they ARE NOT that!

I mean hell...all of those are true, at some point, someone out there is THAT crazy.  But that' doesn't mean the entire group is! Jeez people...what are we in 7th grade again? You hang out with the nerds so you're a dork! You hang out with the jocks so you must be cool but dumb! You hang out with the cheerleaders, definitely dumb and easy to boot! (sorry...I'm still holding on to some high school trauma apparently!) 

I can hereby attest that I am NOT a white, old, racist oil barron...and yet I firmly believe and support many of the principles put forth by some pretty conservative groups.

On another side note...Sheriff Dipdunk, or whatever his name, who is viciously attacking a whole section of society IS an old white guy and a liberal which is kind of ironic...but I digress.

  I can further attest that although I am Christian I DON'T think everyone who doesn't believe exactly as I do is going to hell. Deciding that, and I say this with heartfelt thankfulness, ain't my job!! 

I have a whole list of sound reasons for why I don't support amnesty and for why I think its imperative that the border be secured...none of which include a racist thought as I do happen to be Mexican.  I have a whole list of sound reasons for why I don't support permanent entitlement programs without cutoffs...none of which include the fact that I hate poor people, having gone through tough financial times and been tremendously grateful for WIC when my first 2 kids were born I completely understand being broke.  I have whole lists of reasons for why I don't think abortion is a constitutional right, and owning a weapon is.  For why I don't think our government can or should make us buy a healthcare program they design.  My lists are long...and like them or hate them, I am entitled to them and to vote my conscience.

I'm sure at least one of you has the flip side of my lists...and that's ok, I still love ya!  I'm not suddenly gonna start calling you a Marxist or a communist or a socialist...unless you'd like me to call you that.    This is why our country has made it past most of the bull other countries haven't. This is why despite everything else being said we're all still here...although I've given serious thought to a little compound of my own in Costa Rica!

But if I hear one more idiot say that my conservative opinions or your liberal ones are gonna drive some crazy idiot to shoot up a market...well its just pissing me off!

Here's my public denouncement of any and all nuts, idiots, crazies, zealots, terrorists and jerks...I BELIEVE THEY ALL SUCK! THEY ARE ALL ASSES AND I DENOUNCE THEM AND ALL THEIR STUPID ACTIONS!!!

There...can we all be friends now?

time flies when you're getting old!

Where has this month gone? I mean it! really! Did you all see it...cause I'm sure I had a whole "I'm totally gonna start this year with a bang!" thing planned out.  But here we are and I've apparently missed the entire month with nary a bang in sight!

In fact...I'm pretty sure that my momentum has been non-existent! I'm practically moving backwards!  I mean its not like I don't want to achieve all the wondrous things on my list, I totally do!  And really my list isn't all that crazy spectacular.  I've accepted the fact that I will not ever have that Hawaiian Tropic model physique...I'll settle for just a little less jiggle at this point!  I don't want my house to be featured on some home decorating magazine...I'd just like to limit the clutter to manageable proportions and perhaps have my home be candle scented and not crap scented!  I've made some progress on what I hope will be my first book...but I'm not feeling real sure about it. 

So here I am on another Sunday night...
  honestly, I'm doing more football watching than introspective analysis at this point...but what else did you expect!
...and telling myself "tomorrow you're really gonna get your butt in gear! You're gonna wake up early. Get your run in before you have an excuse to cut it short.  And get some stuff DONE!"   And I'm all excited and ready for tomorrow!  And then tomorrow comes and goes...
So...yup, been here done that...
which brings us right back to WHERE THE HELL HAS THIS MONTH GONE AND WHY HAVEN'T I DONE ANYTHING!!!

UUGHHHHH!!! Why? Why?!!! WHY?!!!!  Am I really that lame that I can't get it together for even one month!  Heck I can't even seem to get it together from Sunday night to Monday morning!!  And at the rate time seems to be going by once you get this age...things are only gonna get worse apparently at a much faster rate. 
God and to boot I'm turning into such a complainer! I'm annoying even myself...someone just smack me!

So I'm turning to you my friends...please feel free to remind me how unhappy I am when I'm overweight! Tell me "Hey there jello butt!" or "Hey girl, your house looks like crap!" or "Hey! You're only getting older. Time's running out! Use it or loose it!" 

Maybe that's what I need...some tough love to get that fire lit!

So my friends call me, text me, message me and feel free to use whatever means necessary to help motivate me...cause I'm seriously lacking in that department!!

say what?!

Now I don't claim to be perfect...I know, you thought I was but I'm not...breathe slowly till the shock passes!  There are numerous things I don't know a darn thing about, (though even then, I will make an effort to sound like I know what I'm talking about).  There are things that I DO know about that I'm completely wrong on...obviously those are VERY few. 
There really is only one thing I can say with complete assurance and know I'm right and that is: if I've done it, I've screwed it up at least once!

You name it, I've messed it up.  I've been a great student and a drop out.  I've been a good friend and a horrible friend. I've been a good wife and a bad wife. I've been a great mom and a lousy mom.  I've been a hard worker and lazy couch potato. I've been very responsible and completely irresponsible financially. I've been completely broke and financially well off.  I've been on the straight and narrow and beat my way through the wilds off road....you get it, the list is endless.  While I can't claim to have lived a life of crime...I'm pretty sure I've skirted that felonious line a time or two (I'm not saying any more on that!).

So, to be told that I can't possible understand the plight of the poor folks who have made bad choices and are living the consequences thereof because I live in my comfortable home in a nice area of town and have enough money to not have to worry about it daily, kinda makes me chuckle.

To be told that I don't have enough empathy for those less fortunate than me because I have everything I need and don't understand what its like to not have it, kinda makes me shake my head.


I've noticed this strange dynamic as I've gotten older and seen more of life. It seems like people now are more willing to be defined by their mistakes than their achievements.  Like their mistakes are some sort of badge of courage.  You hear them talk about the things they've done wrong and have had to overcome with a sense of pride.  And the fact that they've lived a life full of bad choices and bad activities somehow makes them wiser or more experienced in life than you.  I personally know people who give their "testimony" and every time I hear it it's a little worse.  You know...they have done some pretty bad stuff, and yes they had drug problems and stuff, but by the time they've told their "story" a few times they are now the worst addict in existence and eat puppies for breakfast.  They're the "one-upper" of bad stories.  But God forbid you've managed to be successful or...horror of all horrors...become wealthy! Well then you're just an evil, greedy person who hates everyone!  Dropped out of high school, sold all your possessions and lost your family cause you were doing drugs and are now in recovery and trying to fix it...everyone is proud of you.  Worked your way to college and started your own business and are now the proud owner of a Fortune 500 company...you greedy, elitist corporate pig!

Call me crazy, mean and un-empathetic but I just don't get it!!

I refuse to join this new school of thought!!   I still plan to teach my kids that if they stay in school, work hard and make good choices, they too can be the proud owners of a successful company and make enough money to fully provide for their families, no government assistance required!  It might not make as good a story, but hey, the way things are going there will be more than enough people telling their stories to go around!

I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of "feedback" about this one.  My ears are burning already!!